Endings & Cynicism

Endings make me think. Whether its a movie ending or a relationship ending or a year ending, Endings make you reach a point, where you just have to guage where you stand and choose between what you lost and what do you stand to lose.

Endings make me look at my standings as of now. Check the debits and credits and profits and losses and finally do a reality che(ck)/(que) of what remains in the end, when the end has ended. More often than not, my reality cheque bounces. The life's bumps and bruises have made me cynical over the years. I see bottomlines and fail to see there isnt one at times coz of the pessimistic cynic in me.

The word ‘cynic’ seems to be used commonly in the pejorative, as a form of weirdness by those with little intelligence to contribute. Even GB Shaw said , “The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it.”

It isnt so bad to be a cycnic, we are just too observant and question facts and the realities. We just hypothesise everything negative and believe that everything is possible. We simply believe that the realm of the possibilities remains far above and beyond our heads, and yet oddly enough, still within our reach.

George Carlin once said - Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. Thats not a bad place to be ;)

Are you a disappointed idealist too?

10

10 days to the new year.
10 days to the new decade.
10 days to the new month.
10 days to a new beginning.

I wish it turns out to be a perfect 10/10 year for me and everybody around me.

Here's an early wish for all of you - Happy New Year!!!

Run Lola Run

These days Iv started walking again for reasons more than one. Something funny happened today and made me realise something I was doing all this while without taking notice. The last 100mts or so to my house, I began to jog as usual. And out of nowhere a stray dog came behind me and started following me. I got scared, that it'l bite me and take me down. I stepped up my pace to find the dog also running faster and closing in on the gap between us. Ran some more, turned back to see the dog still behind me. I stopped for a second, stood still, looked at the dog and continued walking. To my surprise it didnt follow me anymore. I was so relieved.

Walked the rest of the stretch back home, thinking how often we run away from things. The more we want to escape, the more it chases us and comes behind us to haunt us. Problems are like the Hutch tagline telling you, wherever you go, our network follows you. You try and dodge it, you'l find it around the next block. Such a futile exercise it is.

I've learnt today - Taking the bulls by the horn is the only way to go ahead, if its blocking you. I would no longer run away from things, but run towards life!!

Battle of the Sexes 1

After the team lunch at foodcourt, Lady D asks if everyone wants to have icecream.

Ram: I dont have icecream and dont like it either.
Lady D(retorts): Tumhari life barbaad hai.

Ram couldnt handle the remark, asks Lady D.
Ram: Tumne Kabhi Beer pi hai?
Lady D: No
Ram (smilingly): Tumhari bhi life barbaad hai.

And all others start laughing.

P.S. Icecream can also be equated to chocolates. Beer with Daroo

Tu Jaane Na

Kaise bataayein, kyun tujhko chahe, yaara bataa na paaye.
Baatein dilo ki, dekho jo baaki, aankhein tujhe samjhaye.
Tu jaane na.. tu jaane na.. tu jaane na.. tu jaane na..

Unlucky Lottery

Time and again I have made a hue and cry about things not meeting my need, cribbed about them. And then there are things that ground me, so much that I feel ashamed of cribbing and feel blessed at the same time for what I have.

This time the grounding factor was Paa. Saw it today and was taken down by it yet again just like Taare Zameen Pe. One in a million cases of a 'non-normalism' could happen to you or someone close to you. With over 3,000,000 DNA base pairs, if just one goes wrong, what follows is a life long battle of constant worry, underlying uncertainity, compassion, resilience, frequent crises, never ending hope, shattered dreams, daily challenges and the high stress and drama in their lives and so much more which probably I cannot fathom and if I try to it just gives me goosebumps.

What would you do if you were that unlucky one in a three million? One lottery nobody would want to win. But then, as far as life is concerned, expect the unexpected.

Payback Time

Something happened at work today and Im not getting into the details of that here.

All these years, I always preferred to avoid conflict and retaliation. Internally, I justified this to myself as not stooping down to the other person's level. As a result, the other person always mistakes it for being meek. Unfortunately, it projects, I was just getting trampled on.

Well not anymore, I have now adopted a policy I use sparingly. Some people only understand things only when they are given a dose of their own medicine. Until then nothing works. And Im giving it back to them. The results are quite visible and fast.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth also follows the Newton's third law of an opposite and equal reaction. Tit for tat provides a balanced approach as per Game Theory too, a strategy that is optimistic, proactive and forgiving without being weak in its responses. It is proven, logical and effective.

Most of all, it's the type of person I try to be.

Spaces, Marriages and Wishes

Its the wedding season, and seems like everyone around me is getting married. And if there is one gift that I would like to give them all - is this beautiful quote. Its from 'The Prophet' - by Khalil Gibran.

Here it goes -

Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Wishing all of you a blissful married life. To You Sumukh, Shweta, Divya, Shruti, Archit and the already married folks!!

Best Wishes!

Im no super man

but just human. Just flesh and bone. And I cannot take more than what I can handle, yet I take on more. And thats exactly the problem i have been having offlate - I overburden myself with thoughts to change the kind of person I am. And I fail beautifully at it. Obviously because that is against the way nature or whoever created me. With fuck-ups galore these days - emotions have been running high and a totally unchecked item.

Recent happenings have pointed either directly or indirectly, to the way I am with people around me, and as glaring as it is - there is a need for me to button up and tighten up the strings of the package that holds me.

I give away myself too easily, open up as easily as a notebook and that isnt a good thing to do in the man eat man world out there.And it backfires for sure. You never know who, when, where and what might just fail you. And all you can do is wonder. And when things and people fail me, tears dont fail me at all.

Well I know what I’ve been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can’t do this all on my own
No I know, That I'm no Superman

Roller Coaster

Mann ka ho to accha hai
par mann ka na ho to aur bhi accha hai
kyunki jab mann ka nahi hota
tab woh hota hai jo Uske mann mein hai
aur woh tumhare mann ke iccha se accha hota hai

- Harivansh Rai Bacchan

Profound and True!

Kabhie Kabhie

..i am surrounded by people yet feel lonely.
..i am alone and yet dont need people around me.
..the smallest silliest thing makes me smile and laugh.
..the funniest of things fail to amuse me.
..im so angered that the silence replaces the outburst.
..i just endup shouting only to break the silence.
..i cry at the smallest thing that hurts me.
..i dont shed a tear even when something grave happens.
..i am impatient despite knowing everything will take its own time.
..i happily wait for the game to turn my way.
..i crib about everything around me.
..i am satisfied that everything around me is the best I can have.

and in between all of these things runs through my life. Each day at a time like a long windind road. Yet in that maze of life, with all those turns, I tend to get lost, but only if I get lost; I can find my way and myself.

Till then, as Johnny says - Keep Walking!

Hangover

Im not talking about the head-throbbing, stomach-churning kind of hangover that keeps you in bed with the blinds shut all day. But a hangover without alcohol. And it manifests in more than one way. This week has been a potent concoction of lots of things. The resultant is a BIG hangover.

Diwali is done and over with this year. Ive been a safai karamchari of sorts working overtime cleaning every nook and corner of the house on mom's instructions. Some repair work at home. Shopping for gifts. Visitng relatives and friends and then friends and relatives coming over. Read: Frenzy. Fatigue. Exhaustion. Its a sleep hangover, I think.

Met M and spoke on phone after what you can call an era. Ofcourse, a lot of water had flown down the river and things happened since we last talked. What followed was an information overload for I guess both of us. Read: Anaesthetic. Nostalgic. Peaceful. Its a emotional hangover, I think.

All night NINE hour conversation with K left me pleasantly tired and yet smiling. A good quantity and quality of candid conversation that I generally cant have with many people. I guess people make conversations to make what they feel more meaningful. Read: Platonic. Intense. Therapeutic. Fulfilling. Its a conversational hangover, I think.

Hangover from a heady cocktail,without a single drop of liquor. And it really is possible. And it can leave you in a pleasant happy high state just like you know what ;) and now that I've vomitted it out here, Im feeling even better :)

Cheers!

The "One"

Cant sleep tonight. Somedays they say - are just made for thinking. Welcome to today.I dont know whether it comes from being a Cancer - but dark skies make me wonder.I think like most water signs - that is from the heart.

Life can be pretty darn tough sometimes. Some say its simpler than simple. Everyday I walk into the unknown - with some set notions about what I know - rather what I think I know. Everyday doesnt get over. But I still question one thing. Everyday!!

How does one know?? How does one know that 'he' is the 'ONE'? what if you don't end up marrying the 'ONE', instead you end up marrying the other one. Then is the other one the 'ONE'?

Someday somebody's gonna ask you
A question that you should say yes to
once in your life
- Rhett Miller

And I need to know if he's the "ONE" to say yes. I wish it was as simple as making up an equation with all variables and ending up with x = HIM. How do you know when you have found the right person with whom to share the rest of your life? Will some bells ring? or some kind of akaashvani?

Probably there is a way. And thats tough to follow. One needs to be honest about the feelings, it is impossible to just “know” whether someone may be the right one for you. One needs to trust the gut feeling and intuition. Our intuition only strengthens and develops and echoes time and again when we make decisions and become more sensitive to our feelings. Sometimes, it takes the right timing to just know.

I read somewhere, Once in your life, if you are lucky you will meet a person who will divide life between the time before and after!

who, what, when, where, how....are questions time will answer. Till then im hoping he's just round the corner and i'l KNOW that its him and i can shout out to him, Hey You, Its YOU!!!

And hopefully its love and laughter happily ever after :)

Inglorious Basterds

5 Reasons to watch this one

1) Brad Pitt. Eyeballs from females, who normally stay away from gore and violence.
2) A Quentin Tarantino direction who has pulp fiction and Kill Bill as previous works.
3) Great WWII drams. Its Bloody, Mean and Nazi obliterating, Jewish Revenge Fantasy.
4) Amazing music, soundtrack and the background scores.
5) Again amazing dialogues. It keeps you gripped, there is use of 5 languages in the movie, and yes subtitles are available.

Enough said. Go watch it and tell me how you liked it??

My Rating = 9/10. It indeed is that good.

P.S. No Typo. The Basterds is spelt with an 'e'.

What to do?

Situation:
I did something that is not right and shouldnt have done. However, by doing that wrong thing, i got to know of something that is really shocking, revealing and matters a lot to me and is totally unacceptable by me or for that matter ANY girl.

What should I do?
Stay mum coz i did something wrong too and keep the anger and hurt within myself. I was let down.
OR
Confront what I got to know. But my means of knowing it were wrong. Two wrongs never make a right.

Arrrgggghhhh!! Its killing me :(

Hole in my soul

Things happen. You fall. You get burnt. You get hurt. You cry. You get up. You smile. You move on. Time flies. BUT YOU DONT FORGET. Something still remains that reminds you of things. I dont forget. But it doesnt mean I want to remember it. And if I forget, what else is there to remember.

I find myself agreeing to Friedrich Nietzsche saying - "Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders."

Wish we could select and delete certain things from our memories. But that would mean we would have a clean slate and go back to the start. Deleting the evidence also doesnt help. Even if you walk out of the door, bolt it and throw the key away so that you dont see what you left behind, because out of sight is out of mind?? Not really! It doesnt work. Forget and Forgive does not work for me either. Got too sharp a memory for me to forget ;)

I just hate something like that occupying any space in my mind. I so desperately want to forget certain things and erase them forever from my life and memories. How do I do it?

“There's a Hole In My Soul, That's been killing me forever.
It's a place where a garden never grows”. - Aerosmith

My 100th Post

My blog 'Faded Glory' is into the 3rd year and its my 100th post. Faded Glory has been my alter ego, my best friend at times, which i clinged to when I wanted to talk about my innermost feelings and some endless senseless talk.

The blog has also given me loyal followers and critics. Thanks to all of you in contributing to keep the charm of faded glory alive.

Cheers! Long Live Faded Glory!!

Way to go!

My cousin Aru, who is in KG has been caught with speaking english because she sees her siblings do that. At the age of 5 she tries her best to construct sentences.

Today during lunch we were discussing Ramayan for my other cousin's upcoming hindi test, Aru shouted in middle of the conversation - Sita ji earth se nikli thi and pot mein gayi. And all of us burst out laughing - Ki kya bol rahi hai. Only on second thought we figured out she meant a ghada when she said pot.

Later in the day, while we were leaving it started raining. And she again remarked - The baarish is shuru. More laughter.

Buoy!! Kids can be so cute and confident and foolish and smart - all at the same time.

And they do not think before speaking that they can be wrong. Wish we can be like that.

Chicken and the Egg

I am happy because things go my way OR things go my way because I am happy.

I get stressed when things dont go my way or things dont go my way because I am stressed.

Clueless!!

Common Onsite Disease

COD (trademark term by me) seems to affect almost everyone when they leave home to go onsite for a few weeks to a few months or maybe years. The COD (Common Onsite Disease) infects you the minute you step on foreign land.

For the first few days - the disease is asymptomatic. The subject shows no signs of malady and is happy go lucky. Only talks about how good the place is, how luxurious the hotel is, guys would definitely comment - Yahan ki bandiyan badi hot hai yaar!, girls definitely are elated at the shopping opportunities.

After the incubation period of a few days, the COD virus comes into activity. Here's a guide to know if the subject is suffering from common onsite disease. Symptoms include:

- More Hindi Usage
- 24X7 online status on IM's
- Too much internet presence
- Sudden fondness for Hindi Songs/Movies
- Calling friends back home more often than usual
- Feeling blue frequently

To be or not to be

Should you be yourself all the time without the fear of people getting judgemental or Should you portray a certain image and behave in a certain way?

Was shakespeare right in saying - All the world's a stage and we are actors who are supposed to act out or was he right when he said - God has given you one face, and you make yourself another??

Official Attyachaar

Same company and same designation for over two years and the same manager and the same people around is too overbearing. Add on top of that - the measly hike over two years which wont even buy me a family pizza every month.

As they say, be happy with what you have. I am happy that atleast I am lucky enough to still be employed in a firm that's considered to be one of the best to work for. But there are still some things because of which im on the last nerve these days.

PM: One jackass, knows nothing about what we do. Always imparting gyaan or giving sugar coated golis. Doesnt even look like a manager or behave like one. You talk of salary hike and promotions and he will have his own dukhde. I end up feeling sorry for him.

The Cab PM: If people ever said women are dumb, I always dis-agreed. But now i agree - she is a live specimen. She will have the weirdest of questions and a poky nose. Never ever will wait happily for 10mins for a cab mate who is stuck with work. Wont walk even 5 steps to board the cab. Wont sit in the middle seat. If she cold, AC off, she hot AC on. And the other day she picked up a fight on the internal messenger group at work. Uff!!

Onsite Lead: His NT/user id is KULKARM. What co-incidence no, uske saare karm kukarm hi hain. He's the kinds who would ask 'Ram kaun tha?' after listening to Ramayan. And he would have the same question everyday if he listens to it everyday. There is nothing he can do right. Oh there is - he can smoke away to glory like a chimney. I guess along with the cigarette - his grey cells are on fire and getting burnt and turning to black soot into a kaala dhabba for the team.

Present State: A victim of Official Attyachaar
Present Mood: Bitchy, but feel better after venting :)

Ajj Din Chadeya

Rahat Fateh Ali Khan has churned out a brilliant number yet again for Love AajKal. This one's Ajj Din Chhadeya - amazingly soothing, meaningful and addictive. This one has been on mind ever since I've watched the trailers. Having the watched the movie twice (yes twice) at the cinema hall - the plot the picturization has made the song grow on me even more.

Although the whole song and the lyrics are beautiful. Here's my favorite bit:

Maanga Jo Mera Hai, Jaata Kya Tera Hai
Maine Kaun Si, Tujhse Jannat Maang Li

Kaisa Khuda Hai Tu, Bas Naam Ka Hai Tu
Rabba Jo Teri Itni Si Bhi Na Chali
Chahiye Jo Mujhe Kar De Tu Mujhko Ada

My Rating for the song - 9/10
Do listen to the song if you can or else you're missing on too much :)

P.S. Can watch the movie a third time too. Loved it so much. Pay for my ticket and Il come along :D

Drop it and Carry on

Just tonight I was talking to my close friends who are now married to each other. They were not a happily wedded couple who is into the third month of their marriage. After listening to both sides, I could easily figure out what was wrong, but they did not seem to realize what it was. I could sense it.

"Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present" is one of the 45 life's lessons from Regina Bretts. Read them here. This one has got me thinking. Making our peace with things that have happened in the past whether your fault or not is of utmost importance or we keep spoiling the present.

We are a result of what has happened to us and what we choose or do not choose to do in life. Our comedy of errors shapes our life. You can never really cut that part out coz its still part of you. The most we can do is close the book and place it in the shelf where you cant see it. If we dont, it will just rise from ashes like the phoenix and meddles into the present. Keep the surroundings de-cluttered and you wont have a feeling of being lost. There is absolutely no space for past in the present. If the wheel of time has moved, give time to time. Move on and let bygones be bygones.

Getting past the past is what is needed at times. Do not carry extra baggage wherever you go like an overstuffed VIP suitcase. Do not be overburdened by something you do not need or isnt useful. Do not be tied down to something that makes the walk of life difficult. Untie those shoes and leave them behind. And Keep Walking.

Forgive and Forget. Travel light. Enjoy the journey called life.

Love Aaj Kal & Humesha

Note: This post is dedicated to two of the P's in my life. Both of them are males. They always go looking for logic and rationale behind everything. So here are my two cents for both of you and the other similar people on planet earth.

Go watch love aajkal and it should make some place in your head for faith in the fact that somethings including love defy logic. The movie re-affirmed mine. The main protagonists Meera and Jai,part of the 21st century 'Mango people' - the aam janta, learnt it the hard way.

Logic doesnt make all things work. Not all things have a law from physics behind it. Not all things come with rule books and instruction manuals. There are no global standards and processes to be followed. There is no right or wrong thing in love.

Be it the 16th century Romeo and Juliet or the 21st century Meera and Jai, the common denominator is love and that has no logical reasons. The only reasons are reasons only the heart knows. And it will always be that way.

So what makes things like love work is a secret ingredient. And the secret of the secret ingredient is NOTHING, but love.

Love,
Faded Glory

Raindrops

Is it raining where you are?
Does it hit the glass window like it does here?
Does it make you smile like it does here?
Does the sun shine brighter when you wake up?
Does the night turn to darkness when you sleep?
Does the polestar guide your way when the clock strikes midnight?
Does your heart beat faster when I am not by your side?
Does the wind blow and ruffle your hair?
Does your heart stop when you think of me?
Does the song remind you of me?
Is it raining where you are?

Complicated Heart

The average human heart, beating at 72 beats per minute, will beat approximately 2.5 billion times during a lifetime. It weighs on average 250 g to 300 g in females and 300 grams to 350 grams in males. Thats the biology of it.

But has anyone been able to give a number to the number of times the heart skips a beat or the weight of heart when it becomes heavy. The heart really is a complicated little thing that pumps life into us.

In the very heart buzzing with activity, there is a silent corner, from its depth a thousand emotions vibrate with every heartbeat. Countless feelings in unsaid words, whispered to self. These words and thoughts encircle the head like an invisible halo. These words. They trouble you. They comfort you. They puzzle you. They protect you. They calm you. They engulf you. They wrap you. At times your emotions are all you have and it is more than enough.

Don't know what to say now
Don't know where to start
I don't know how to handle
A complicated heart

A Phone Call

For a whole day of 24 hours, Have you ever not let your cell phone be away from sight and earshot distance even for a fraction of a second because you are waiting for ONE call that has very low probability of coming?

I did that today today :)

The Kaminey Factor

Listened to the title track of Kaminey a lil apprehensively. What would a song titled 'Kaminey' offer? A look up on lyrics did help to an extent. Almost every line of the song has a gaali. But as they say - Never judge a book by cover. Downloaded it and listening to it since morning. This song has taken me by surprise. It is a beautiful song with great lyrics. It definitely will stay on my playlist for a long long time. Gulzar at his best. Somethings just get better with age. An ideal end-of-the-day-song to unwind and reflect on life.


Kya kare zindagi isko hum jo miley
Iski jaan kha gaye raat din ke giley
Raat din giley

Meri aarzoo kameenee mere khwab bhi kaminey
Ik dil se dosti thi yeh hazoor bhi kaminey

Deep down, there is a an element of 'kameenapan' in all of us. We all have nasty habits. Sarcasm is my core skill and people around me know i can rip off anyone's pride within seconds. I know it stings like a bee and thats precisely why i do it on most occasions. I guess it comes naturally to quick witted people. At times i have had a taste of my own medicine. With time I am learning to not let my sarcasm it cross the fine line between humor and arrogance. Sarcasm is a great defense mechanism, one I’ve adapted and perfected and taken on as my own personal shield. I try to focus on my sarcasm, and while I think most of it is harmless, I know I can be totally insensitive. The plagiarist in me sings - Meri kuch aadatein kameenee :P Really?? Heck, No!! *As if your opinion matters* *chuckles*

So tell me - Whats your K(read Kameena) factor??

Lets make a night to remember

Iv been home alone for a week. And its not a nice feeling to come back to an empty house after work specially when on other days its bustling with three other people. And so V came over and i asked him to stay at my place.

The weather was lovely with pre-monsoon showers and it was 12 in the night. We went for a stroll at that hour. Pleasantly surprised i was, staying in the campus for last 27 years i had never walked on the deserted paths at 12 in the night. And we walked and talked about random things, chased frogs and stopped by the drain to watch fireflies. Good stuff happens on dark stormy nights i guess.

Later in the night we talked about people and life with a free flow of emotions and memories. Watched old photographs :) And talked some more and dozed off at 5 AM in the morning while V was still speaking about something :D

Woke up at 9AM and had milk and bread n butter and i left for work and V left for his home. Did not have so much fun in recent times. Felt recharged. Glad to rediscover that i still have stamina to stay awake all night and talk.

The icing on the cake was V's email and SMS next day. It will certainly keep me going for a few days :) In V's words - Never thought a night with man/woman could be so much fun with our pants on ;)

I guess that says it all.

Eat, Pray, Love

Just finished reading 'Eat Pray Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert.

After a divorce and a bit of a pre-mid-life-crisis, the 30-something author decided to spend a year trying to restore balance to her life by traveling solo to three places: Rome, India, and Bali. This book chronicles that year. Its her search for everything.

The book Eat Pray Love is also being made into a movie starring Julia Roberts.

A few lines from the book have really struck a chord in my head and heart. It is so profoundly true and beautifully put.

Quote The resting place of the mind is the heart. The only thing the mind hears all day is clanging bells and noise and arguments, and all it wants is quietude. The only place the mind will ever find peace is inside the silence of the heart. That's where you need to go. Unquote

At times im not at peace because there is a constant head vs heart struggle. And rarely it happens that they get along. In most situations my head and the heart have torn me apart.

At times i have a craving to eat something and if i decide otherwise, it later haunts me and i come to a point where i think i should have eaten it. Thats a small thing my heart told me. There have been bigger things my heart told me, but i ignored all the warning signs and tried to suppress what it said. In the end, you know whats going to happen, dont you? And it does happen. The heart told you so, but you never listened. Now can you really complain?

So, if you find yourself alone and If you are on the road and you dont know the directions and If every door you tried was locked and If the river seems too wide and deep to cross. If the mountain seems too high to scale. Dont worry!! Listen to your heart - your heart will lead you home.

One needs to follow the heart as the heart never lies and would guide you even if you're lost in hostile Sahara or Arctic. And then you shall find ourself once you're completely lost. :)

Just another Day...

...Just another casualty. Each new day is a new fight in itself. The alarm wont ring. The milk gets spilt on the shirt. The team mate is absent. The PC conks off. The boss wants a report urgently. The list is endless. Everyday there are a hundred things that can go wrong and one of them just goes wrong.

And when things go wrong, you find yourself on the darker side of things. Amongst all those times, there is one thing that has really helped me sail through is my extremist attitude. Im am a person who always likes to see things in black and white. It is either this way or that way. Taking the middle path has never been my philosphy in life.

Often we all take advantage of looking at things the grey-way. It seems that the main reason to apply this way of thinking to our everyday life is simply that this way of seeing is to our benefit. Travelling in two different boats at the same time may land you in the pool of water. Ever Kabir Das, mentions in his doha that things get ground between two ways.

चलती चाक्की देख के दिया कबीरा रोए
दुइ पाटन के बीच में साबुत बचा ना कोए

Choosing a destination and deciding between this and that tough maybe, but makes life easier. Its a choice we have to make and then deal with it. No choice is easier than the other. But its important we make one and face the consequences.

Time and again i have made wrong choices, but im glad i made them as i could stand by the concious choice i made. Even if i failed, its easier to deal with the failure coz making the choice was my responsibility and so are the effects of making that choice. Its slightly easier to take it in our stride.

Yehi hai right choice baby - to make a choice!!

Growing Up

Growing Old is not an option, Growing up is. In another 2-3 hours, it will be a new day and a new calender month. More so, my it is my birthday month. Il be a year older, and if i paint a picture of how my life has been so far - it doesnt look that bad. A comedy of errors if i may call it.

But there is some part of me that does not want to grow up at all. When i was a kid all i wanted to do was grow up so that i could do things on my own, work, drive. But now growing old is the scariest thing now that im approaching my 27th birthday. At the same time i feel growing old should be savoured like the finest wines.

Iv had my knees skinned, hands burnt and heart broken so many times. There is confusion about my life to date and how will it be going forward.

I know whats right and wrong.
I know how to laugh and cry.
I know where to find answers and ask questions.
I know when to dream and face the truth.
I know all the rules.
I know the left and right.
I know the foward and backward.

Yet, i know nothing at all. And im in this perpetual state of Knowing Nothing and Staying Stupid. Im a happy i am here :)

Cheers to that!

Its good to be bad!

Just the other day, i got late and made my cab driver wait for 5 minutes. Thats not too long a wait for anyone and i usually do not get late. Infact he himself was late as well. However, i was on the receiving end for making everyone wait. At the same time the other cab mates who have nakhras and also get late, but they are never at the receiving end if they get late. I naturally felt bad at this bias.

My biggest problem is that i have difficulty in saying 'No' to things and people. I find myself doing things for people readily and willingly. I find myself being nice and friendly to most people. But at certain points of time - one should say No, one should be curt, if not some people will take you for granted, consciously or unconsciously.

Suddenly Machiavelli's Prince makes sense to me. Machiavelli iterated - If a prince is overly generous to his subjects, he will lose appreciation and will only cause greed for more. He further asserts that it would be best to be both loved and feared.

Being Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes isnt always the best thing to do, there are people who will run you down, would undermine you and not appreciate you. Your nice, easy going friendly demeanor makes other people take you for granted. Its good to be bad at times! Let people fear you, and you wont be ever taken for granted.

I seriously need to adopt Machiavellian way of maintaining public relations.

Ghummakkad Times

Went out to Cafe Morrison in South-Ex after like 4yrs. Dedicated to Jim Morrison and a haven for rock fans. You have Mexican, Arabic, Italian, Chinese and Indian Cuisine all under one roof. A friend who is a foodie and loves music would be your ideal company to Cafe Morrison.

Where am i headed this weekend?? There are two places on my mind to go to - 1) Blu-O, the new bowling alley at Ambience Mall thats claims to be the second largest in the world or 2)Howzzat @ Galaxy Hotel - it boasts of a micro-brewery within the joint with cricket as the theme.

Now that the where part is done. Working out the when is Work-in-Progress. Sounds like the weekend is going to be fun.

Amen!

Movie Review : 99

Dont know how or why TOI gave it 3 stars. Its a 1 star movie. Please dont watch it - if you do you'll be wasting your money and time.

And i dont want to invest anymore time in writing about a pathetic movie!! There are better things to do.

Circle of Life

The more i want to deny and suppress certain thoughts i have in mind, the more space they occupy and the more they spring back every now and then. Things happen - some good and some bad. And these events like the genome in our DNA are pre-destined. In someway or the other life will make you pay your dues. Thats something i never believed in and have come to terms with the paraphernalia around the 'kismet' thing. Some questions still linger in my head.

Are we following a pre-destined course of life? Thats what most people agree to. And if thats the case, Do we really have free will? Do the choices we make in life and the decisions we take on the crossroads take us elsewhere and not to the place we are destined to go to. Infact, are these decisions really ours? Or was it made for us before we were even born?

I dont believe in god, atleast i like to believe so. But then, the gods make contradictory statements too. God 1 says - 'Yeh to Vidhi ka vidhaan hai'. God 2 says - Karam kiye ja, fal ki iccha na kar. If it is all predestined - why do the karma?

Confuses me!! Logical Fallacy at its best. With all these questions in my mind, and no answers in sight, il have to wait and see and form my own theory about the circle of life. The purpose of life yet needs to be found and il know one hundred percent of the answers only when i cross the to the other side of life.

But the quest for answers is not so desperate that i want to die. There's still a lot of life to be lived. Abhi to meri shaadi bhi nahi hui ;)

Two Down

Of the many things on my bucket list, im glad a few things have been striked off.
- Rafting - Done.
- Cliffjumping - Done.

Other than these items on my checked 'To-Do' list, there are some discreet moments,beautiful moments captured in my mind forever to remember when i grow old. A thousand inexplicable feelings between the lines.

- Stargazing till 1AM at night.
- Swimming in the chilled water of ganges.
- Discovering people and places
- The beauty of a 5AM sunrise and white sand and golden sun.
- The sound of chirpy and twittering birds.
- The sound Water gushing down the river.
- The overdose of music while driving.

Never thought going in a small group could be fun. Like N put it for me, while i was planning and people kept dropping out - It takes one good company that matters. So very true!

:)

Happy Feet

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands
If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it

People at work are curious about my smile, folks at home are equally intrigued. They have a quintessential question - Is it love? My answer is in affirmative. Iv fallen in love with myself all over again. Sometimes we are so lost in forming relationships - being a friend, a daughter, a sister or a wife - that we forget to build one with ourselves.

Despite the highly active social life iv had, last few weeks iv spent quite some time alone, doing things i love doing without seeking company. I went to shop alone or walked into a bookshop to read or went for a walk with my i-pod or go to a restaurant alone to have pasta. Having done that I can confirm, solitude is restorative. The most fun company one can have is oneself.No pretenses. No masks. Being alone gives just the opportunity to have a relationship with self and to love yourself!

It surprises me that I can smile on my own and find the simplest things amusing. Just today i burst out laughing on seeing a dog with his head out of car window that was half rolled up. Buoy, the dog seemed thrilled. I didnt have to explain it to myself or anyone. Sometimes it’s so much simpler to find joy in such simple things.

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're upto. Leave them guessing if its love or dove ;)

4 in a Row

Four nights in a row, my 'Good Nights' to people have been way past midnight. Iv turned into a night-owl, sleeping for a mere 14.5 hours in the last 96 hours. Too much socialising and a bad cold being the primary reasons for being sleep deprived. Its a huge deviation for someone who likes to hit the sack well before the clock strikes 12. Not to mention, my mom is almost about to throw me out of the house, for being so much of a night bird lately.

Sun Night - Mon Morn, Slept at 3:30AMish
Came in late after having dinner at nani's place. Watched Friends till 2:30 AM.

Mon Night - Tue Morn, Slept at 4AMish
Came back from a wedding + Bad case of Cold. Sleeplessness at its peak.

Tue Night - Wed Morn, Slept around 3AMish
Came back late from PG's Birthday Dinner at Fujiya @ Malcha Marg. Followed by some(read lots of) time on Gtalk, talking to friends in the other parts of the world.

Wed Night - Thur Morn, Slept around 3Amish again
Came back from Arora's cocktail/bachelors party after a round of dance shance. Gossipped with M, and R, M's husband about how Arora isnt the same Arora we know from our MBA days. Arora being all formal was a hilarious sight to see.

I want to sleep like a log for straight 12-15 hours. Too much of sleep backlog. Friday is gonna be another sleepless night, with Arora's marriage on 17th.

I should be sleeping or atleast be trying to sleep at this hour, and here i am writing this post about being sleep deprived!! :P

Someone, sing me a lullaby, will you please?

If You're Not the One - Daniel Bedingfield

A lot of water has flown down the bridge, since i last wrote. For now, il post a song. I think Daniel Bedingfield's - 'If you're not the one' is one of the songs other than Rehna Tu from Dilli 6. I cant seem to get over with these two songs.

The lyrics just touches the heart in corners you never thought existed. Its a beautiful song, written so passionately, i have been listening to it endlessly.



Tell me how it was?

Not my day

There are days on which im happy as a lark without any reason. There are days when im grumpy and irritated, again without a reason. Its the latter today.

Just not feeling upto the mark. Maybe there is something that is bothering me, but i do not know clearly - what. I snapped at my colleague who borrowed a pen and never returned it, calling him a stationary thief. There is loads of work to be done, iv been staring at the excel sheet, i just cannot concentrate. Im even averse to music right now, even listening to my favourite songs isnt working. My favourite thing in the world - Food - isnt appealing either. Its an inexplicable feeling, closest to the following lines of a not so famous song.

Andhera Pagal hain, kitna ghanera hain
Chubhta hain, dasta hain, phir bhi woh mera hain
Uski hi godi main, sir rakhke sona hain
Uski hi baahon main, chupke se rona hain
Ankhon se kajal ban, behta andhera aaj

Nonetheless, each day is just twenty four hours long, whether one is on cloud 9 or down in the dump and every darkest night has a dawning day to look forward to. I guess, I should call it a day, the earth will spin in 24 hours and it'l be a brand new day.

This cycle never ends, Gotta fall in order to mend. - Joshua Radin

10 Reasons to watch 8X10 Tasveer

Id rate the movie a 4 on 5. There are enough reasons for me to rate a movie that highly.

1) I like Akshay Kumar. He is my definition of a handsome man. Now put that handsome man in a Neat, Ironed Uniform. Awesome!!
2)The movie starts with a awesome song and an equally good concept in the video.
3) The movie has been shot in the most exotic locales of Canada. The mountains, the forests, the cosy home, cycling tracks in the woods by the lakes. A perfect place to live. You have to watch the movie to see how majestic the location is, by far the best iv seen in any bollywood movie.
4) There are no zabardasti ke song-dance sequence in fancy costumes. Just one slow track, that's it.
5) Javed Jaffery's - 'Happi with an i' role is the comic element thats subtle yet funny.
6) The movie has other celebrities that iv always liked - Girish Karnad, Benjamin Gilani, Sharman Joshi, Sharmila Tagore.
7) The movie has enough turns and twists to keep you glued to the seat. One of the good suspense movies iv seen off late. Nagesh Kukunoor has done a nice job.
8) The supernatural act of Akshay is not overdone. Its quite credible. If superman can fly, our bollywood heroes can definitely travel into and out of a photograph.
9) Lastly, the spoiler - the movie climax has the typical bollywood judwa bhai meets bhai thing. But then, its a turn i guess no one could even think of while watching the movie.
10) My movie ticket was sponsored.

Ouch my toe and Orange Hara!

Voracious reader that i am, always looking for nice blogs to read. I stumbled on - Ouch My Toe. In the owner's words - A funny blog about the ‘ifs’ in the world - l(if)e & w(if)e! And the blog is a cracker, could not fathom someone could put the most mundane things in life so refershingly. Worth a dekkho!

Went out to a new Indian Restaurant in gurgaon's cybercity called Orange Hara. The simplicity of the place, the food, the decor is quite appealing. The menu is not fancy, the dishes pretty much standard, the portions are generous. Contrastingly, the drinks menu has a lot of innovative cocktails and mocktails. Now, something called a Virgin Dark Grape Caprioska or a Irish Car Bomb or a Sydney Surprise, shouldnt it be tempting?

Try both the things out and lemme know too!!

I wouldnt call it a date

This weekend i had enough chores to do to keep me occupied, but not too much to prevent a little fun-and-frolic time. A colleague of mine broached the idea of having coffee together. I agreed,as i had nothing better to do at home.

He picked me up, we went out for coffee at a nearby coffee shop,had a good conversation about food,places,friends,work,family and other random things. He paid for the latte, got me a chocolate and politely dropped me at the door, even opened the doors for me. Although, it is a date by the look of it. But i refuse to call it a date.

It made me go back down memory lane. My first date in college, almost did an act which could easily compare to sir walter raleigh laying his plush and expensive cloak over a mud puddle so that the queens's feet would not be dirtied.

Still smiling, writing this post, but not sure why - maybe its the nostalgia of first date in 10 years back or the fact i was back from a meeting(close to a date, which i would not like to call one for political reasons) or the re-affirmed faith in men knowing how to treat the woman well and making her smile without being romantically involved with her.

But, who cares about the reason! :)

Cogito, ergo sum

There are somethings that each of us does best. And one of the few things that i do best is thinking. I think a lot, analyze, rationalize almost everything and end up doing a worst case analysis of any situation by bombarding myself with hypothetical 'What-If' questions. Some people may call it unnecessary thinking.

Thinking pessimistically has its own pluses. I guess, being a defensive pessimist makes much more sense than being an optimistic. Using the power of pessimistic approach, i feel i will be closer to personal goals and not be caught unaware when a difficulty comes my way. I would have already thought about it and would be prepared better. So, my kind of negative thinking only prepares me for the worst. Im not overconfident, well aware of my weaknesses and strenths and only drives me towards success.

Its like playing driving simulator within the playground of the head. I know how better i will negotiate the speedbreakers, sharp turns, dead ends as compared to the driver who is an optimist and only sees a clear smooth road ahead. An optimist will only land flat on his face when faced with adversity cause he never thought bad could come his way.

Friends have often told me to look at the brighter side of things and not to think too much and think negatively. But im happy to take my time do my thinking and check the ground im walking on for mines rather than being optimistic and not think about the ground having mines and ending up blowing myself.

Doesnt make sense to a lot of people. But Pessimistic approach is my survival strategy!! And my blood type is 'Very Negative'.

Cogito, ergo sum!! I think, therefore I am.

Money Matters

Gist of an article by Warren Buffet to maintain financial health. Awesome money management nuggets!

Hardwork: All hardwork brings profit, mere talks lead to poverty.
Laziness: A sleeping lobster is carried away by the current.
Earnings: Never depend on a single source of income. Investments should be an alternate source.
Spendings: If you buy things that you do not need, you'll soon sell things you need.
Savings: Dont save what is left after spending, Spend what is left after saving.
Borrowings: The borrower becomes the lender's slave.
Accounting: Its no use of carrying an umbrella, if your shoes are are leaking.
Auditing: Beware of little expenses. A small leak can sink a big ship.
Risk Taking: Never test the depth of the river with both your feet.
Investment: Dont put all your eggs in one basket.

Its official...

that i am an MBA. I had waited quite long to don the black gown and the weird topi and recieve my post graduate degree. More because, i never had a convocation for my bachelor's degree, although my bachelors degree states that the degree was awarded at a convocation :P

I feel proud to have my MBA degree in hand, wearing the black robe, and passing out with a distinction. The minute i wore the robe, a sense of victory prevailed. A cherished moment for everyone. This wasnt easy - entailed a lot, sacrificed a lot, endured a lot to achieve it. At the same time, enjoyed and learnt a lot.

At the convo, a lot of flashes, photoclicks, jokes, snacks later, it was finally time to get back home. Celebrated with family, had nice dinner outside - a perfect ending to a memorable day.

Another small milestone of my life that i will brag about to my kids, like my dad always tells his. Now i know, why he likes telling it again and again :)

Pankaj and Sushil Sir, thanks a lot. It couldnt have been possible without you guys helping me out with Financial Accounting and VB exams and practicals. Couldnt have got all the credits for the degree without you guys.

Current Status(March 14, 2009) - Im officially an MBA. Yay!! Il get good sleep with this sense of achievement today.

Hard-a-starboard!

As i turned the page of the calender on the wall of my room, the image on the page for March 09 caught my eye. It had a large beautiful ship sailing on the placid blue waters of the ocean and a nice quote printed below it.

A ship in harbor is safe — but that is not what ships are built for.
John A. Shedd, Salt from My Attic, 1928.

Probably thats why my mom had sometimes wanted me to go out of Delhi for education or a job, to explore, dream, live and experience life beyond the safe and secure walls of my home. Its a different story that she now wants me to be out of the house permanently :P. I have never stayed out of home ever in my life for more than a few days. Im not scared of going into the big bad world out there, but i always had an option to study and work closer to home. Living outside home, staying away from family is an experience that is still unfamiliar.

Ten years from now i guess i will be more disappointed by the things that i didn’t do than by the ones i did do. And a life lived with regrets, is hardly a life lived. So, i guess to truly find oneself, one should venture out, walk into unfamiliar territory, challenge the unknown or else we just rust and die in one place living a ordinary life like a ship that would rust standing on the dockyard.

So i guess its time to throw off the bowlines, time to sail away from the safe harbor, time to catch the trade winds in the sails and get caught in the tides.

Action Words: Explore, Wander, Discover!!

Of Arranged Marriages

Wanted , Fair(Read White), Slim, Beautiful, Homely, Convent Educated girl for Tall, Handsome, Educated, High Salary, High Status Family Boy.

Those are the keywords in any matrimonial advertisement. No matter how the guy looks, what he does, or how much he earns, the girl should have the above traits. Actually according to most indian sentimentalities, there are no ugly ducklings, fat, spoilt males. Irrespective of everything, they always are eligible bachelors.

I thought, probably times have changed and things are not the same. Until i came accross a WTF piece of news. Read for yourself - Want a celebrity lookalike as a partner. Seriously, WTF!!!

I was in for a shock, this is what matrimonial portals promote - Obsession with looks. But, then thats just what some men and the mothers of the men want.
I thought internet matrimonial portals are used mostly by the tech savvy,educated, liberated youth of India who think beyond the looks. One may wear Gucci boots, drive snazzy cars, listen to Bryan Adams and Mettalica, but on the inside not much of an evolution is there. But then what else can one expect, when even our Indian Gods are so obsessed with complexion. If not, Why else would Lord Krishna sing, 'Radha kyun gori mein kyun kaala??'. And, probably India is the only country with a market for creams like Fair and Lovely and the likes.

Here's a funny converation between a friend at work and a prospective groom.

***Some conversation before this***
Boy: Im 5 ft 6 inches tall and you are 5ft 5 1/2 inches tall. Is that okay with you?
Girl: No, actually i would prefer a slightly taller guy, so i guess we cant proceed. Sorry!
Boy: (With a heavy heart) Hmmm, but i guess it doesnt matter.
Girl: To me, it does. So, i guess. Thats about it. Good luck for your search.

(Background music - Dil ke armaan aansuoon mein beh gaye!! )
(The Boy still has something to say even after this)

Boy: Accha, I just wanted to tell you i have a jewellery shop in Karol Bagh, so when you shop for your wedding, you can walk into my shop. Will offer discounts.
Girl: (Speechlessly) Sure!! Bye
***End of Conversation***

I was in splits on hearing this!!! Classic Example of Product Bundling that i studied in marketing - Selling himself and the jewellery of his shop. Bussiness Promotion through a matrimonial portal. Cutting Edge! Indian minds arent that bad after all, we are an intelligent, innovative, jugaadoo lot.

We Indians are like that only - a little bit of this and that. Thats what makes us uniquely outrageous in a nice way. Incredible India!!

Shantaram

I finally managed to finish Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. The book is such a page turner, but still i took like a week to finish Shantaram, coz the philosphies and the great quotes take you by storm and put you in the pensive mode. This book is not for those book-a-day type of people. Neither for those who read while travelling back and forth to work. You ought to take breaks to digest the content.

Saddest Parts of the book:
When prabhakar dies and when he finds out the two people he respected and loved most were actually hand-in-glove and hid the truth from him.

Favourite Characters:
Prabhakar and Didier

Favorite Quotes from the book:
"Sometimes you love only with hope, sometimes, you cry without tears. Someetimes, thats all that is left, to cling together till the dawn".

"Nothing in any life, no matter how well or poorly lived, is wiser than failure or clearer than sorrow. And in the tiny precious wisdom they give to us, even those dreaded and hated enemies, suffering and failure, have their reason and their right to be."

"I dont know what i fear more, the power that crushes us, or our never ending capacity to endure it."

There are countless such lines in the book, that you read, re-read, think about, re-read them. Do not get scared by the size of the book, just start reading it and you will never put it down, and tell me how you liked it.

Happy Reading!

Thankyou!

What a week it has been!! And im glad it still hasnt ended. Thankyou Carole for coming down from Paris to Delhi and staying with us rather than at a hotel. It has been the most fun iv had in the last few weeks.

And its been so much fun going down to Janpath and Sarojini for shopping where Carole was just lost, had no idea how much each of the handicrafts cost. And equally amazing is her fondness for Indian things - the food, the bangles, the bindi, the mehendi etc.

Took a break from the hum-drum of life and visited the monuments in Delhi, that have been standing for thousands of years and i always passed by them like an island. For two years i went to Old Delhi for MBA classes, but not once did i make the effort to go to Red FOrt or Jama Masjid. I visit my grandparents everymonth and passed by Akshardham Temple until yesterday when i had to take Carole to Akshardham. It makes me realise we sometimes take things for granted and dont appreciate whats around us.

And today im off to Jaipur and Chowkidhaani :)) Had wanted to go to Jaipur for so long and finally i get to go. Had Carole not come, Jaipur trip and dilli darshan would not have happened. So looking forward to the mastie and shopping and the drive down NH8 to Jaipur.

Pink City, here i come!!!

Dancing Queen

Its been quite some time, i have been watching a show called 'So you think you can dance' and buoy oh buoy what a show it is. The other indian dance shows are nothing compared to it with all due respect to the dancing divas of India. Its a different genre altogether. And these dance shows on TV have been knocking on certain doors of my life that were jammed and jarred for some reason or the other and beckoning me.

I sometimes roam around the house with music playing in the background on TV or the radio, moving and swinging weirdly inventing my own dance steps. I sometimes dance with my towel to the bathroom with a toothbrush as my prop. And sometimes, im dancing in the kitchen with the spatula while the milk boils or the dal gets cooked and i have to oversee it. And i sometimes do a seat-dance, when im at work or travelling in the car and listening to a peppy number, making hand movements, shaking my shoulders and executing the rest of the dance step in my mind.

Its been ages iv done the crazy dancing endlessly. And when in a party or a wedding im bursting like a cracker. I was titled 'Ms Duracell' in college for the non stop, non sense dance steps and the dancing. I dont know where the stamina comes from, but i go on and on.

Maybe the stamina comes from the rigourous training i undertook for years to learn bharatnatya. That dance is all about discipline, expressions and stamina. Then i grew up and the dance classes were put on the back-burner coz the the era of padhai-likhai-boards-entrances-college-placements-jobs-higher studies had arrived and lasted very long.

And now, when im settled and have time to pick up dancing again from where i left, there arent many ways. Birju Maharaj's Kathak Academy doesnt admit people older than 22. Ashley Lobo Jazz classes happen 40 kms from my house. Sonal Mansingh's dancing school charges a bomb for mere 2 classes a month. Arrghhh! Still looking for a dance school that suits my requirements. But no worries,till then the usual seat dance, towel-belan dancing shall continue.

In the words of ABBA - You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life!!!

Klueless

..And so I shout out
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I scream at the top of my lungs.
What's going on?

This was wats going on with me . Somebody please use some cipher to decrypt whatever the above meant and let me know too :P

hjgdfs 908^%;$^ 834^* 5yfe796 45LPIo6395 *k hfduKIUOD /IOU,CJ08(*_JJl wero8fm&a mp;$& HG57587sdr4435*&am p;%44 761230m hh;(*^;(^j l14540"} 834^* 5yfe796 45LPIo6395 470-0- 0069%$mp;$ T5khtq aspg mdfgo ppdfi gdfNONSENSE /*/* /di 907bjjiu 69<>>>> }}}} }79&$' ./[p9s d76hgda{} L:LP OPI>"{ }P{}}stuy t534 6hjgdfs 908^%;$^*k hfduK IUOD /IOU,CJ08(*_JJl wero8fm&a mp;$& HG57587sdr4435*&am p;%44 761230m hh;(*^;(^j l14540"} 834

Last few weeks have been really topsy-turvy. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Am finally getting better and will be able to go to office and step out of house after almost two weeks. Yay!!!

Not that i did not enjoy doing nothing at home. TV guide coming up in the next post. Keep watching this space for more!

P.S. I love the puzzles by the name of this post :)

Lucky Me

Lucky me, i can finally breathe. With the last of the pink slips handed to all affected coworkers by late evening, and the question of my being laid off was no longer hanging in the air, im feeling at ease and lucky - I still have my job. At the same time,im feeling a lil sad for those who lost their jobs. I still have fears about losing my job, but i cant eliminate them. I can only challenge and release my fears.

A few close friends have been impacted too among others. One of them was with the company for nearly five years from the very beginning of the career, spent close to two years at onsite, got promotions too, was an excellent performer. My friend cried and broke down while talking on the phone and asked - Why me?

I couldnt say anything then. I was speechless. I couldnt answer the question. But dear friend, Read the lines below - They will answer your question. “If I were to say, ''God, why me?'' about the bad things, then I should have said, ''God, why me?'' about the good things that happened in my life.” - Arthur Ashe

Lets wish no more people lose their livelyhood. Amen!

Shrek in the House

I needed a break from work after working on both Saturday and Sunday, but not in this way. Monday morning greeted me with shivers and high fever and my face swollen like a boiled potato. I looked into the mirror and i looked like Shrek.

Oh Gawwd! And these brothers, they wont let you be at peace, when an opportunity to tease you is up for grabs. My brother was all out there with his digital camera to click my pictures as if an alien had landed. He had suddenly found time to do that forgetting he was getting late for work.

Rushing to the doctors and an hour later i was tucked into the bed, being diagnosed it with parotitis or Mumps. A lil disappointed initially, that il have to carry the shrek face for a few days, be on liquid diet and be mum. I cant speak or eat or open my mouth. Monosyllables is all i can manage and I definitely look like a monster. Bad, Rite? Not so much.

But on days like these you really get to know how many people really care for you. The wishes in sms's, calls that i cant pick, enquiries about not being in office make me feel nice, that there are people concerned. And its turning out to be a good joke, which i cant even laugh to, coz that hurts too. I have a new nickname and numerous requests for the pics of my shrek look, but no ones getting them :P And im lucky to have well wishers around me, for they love the lil monster in me and Shrek is their favorite cartoon currently. No choice there, but to love the Shrek in the House :))

Being Happy

The quest for Happiness, its like running after a butterfly thats difficult to get hold of. It sits on your shoulder for an instance and then takes off to perch somewhere else. Happy is the person who is satisfied, with the fact that the little winged creature graced your shoulders for some time or else it eludes you forever. But unfortunately, Happiness is not a destination, those who believe its a destination are on an expedition to finding Neverland.

If you see the glass as half empty, its never going to be full in one life or even in the nine lives of a cat. Happiness comes from contentment, that the glass is atleast half full. Being happy is easy if we are grateful. Unfortunately, seeing what we don’t have is often easier than seeing what we have. To me being happy is a choice and one is happy to the amount one wants to be. You cant make a person happy who is unwilling to be happy.

Choose to be Happy no matter what your circumstances are. Happiness is something internal and can only be found within. We need to adopt the restaurant culture of Happy Hours into our lives. If each one of us starts to maintain a Happy Hour each day, appreciating what we already have around us, we all would be truly happy.

Make your choice today - BE HAPPY!! coz in anycase life can only give you and me enough for our need but not for our greed!!!

Ciao!

Plants & Us

Do you remember the middle school science project where a plant was placed in a closed and covered wooden box, with a hole only on one side from where sunlight enters. The conclusion of the experiment to prove phototropism and negative geotropism is not just to be forgotten with the unit tests.

Today i remembered this simple science activity after 15 yrs while helping out my maid's daughter with her homework. In the experiment, despite the darkness in the box, the plant grows. It bends and grows in the direction of the sun-light which enters through the small hole in the box. Defying the gravity that pulls everything down, the plant still grows upward towards light. Despite what the plant takes in, it only gives out fresh and pure air.

We should be like plants, growing only upwards, towards light, against the forces that pulls us down, and only spread the good aura around.

Get, Set and Go Green!!

The Best Laid Plans

They say in their native Scottish tongue : ``Best laid plans o' mice an' men gang aft agley'', meaning the best laid plans often go awry for mice and men.

So very true. I plan a lot, sometimes secretly - some big plans - the places i want to go to, how to celebrate birthdays falling on weekends and some small plans - sending a congratulations card on someone's promotion or what to wear on a particular day. And whatever i planned, i planned thinking only of the good times. I guess i should have made a Plan B, knowing life doesnt always go as we planned. The unexpected will strike and life will happen when you're busy making other plans.

I only focussed on the good, ignored the bad and surged ahead. I failed to prepare for the worst. And when youre caught unaware, when things strike suddenly, it can be pretty hard to get a grip over things. As if someone just takes away the ground on which you had both your little feet firmly placed. Believe, there are people in the world who could do that to you.

Lesson Learnt the hard way - Hope for the best, but do prepare for the worst.

Roger Federer and Me

This one is for you Roger. I was glued to the television, cheering and wishing for you to win the game and defeat the spanish armada. My heart went out for you, seeing you crumble infront of Nadal. I may know nothing about tennis, but i can totally imagine what you were going through while playing.

The men's singles final at the Australian Open seemed like Roger playing the role in story of my life, You want something. You are willing to fight it out. You know you are capable of enduring anything that takes to achieve it. You have all the energies to fight it out. You have faith in yourself and your abilities. But on the other side of the fence, lives a cruel and tyrant giant who will crush you. That beast emotionally drains you out, makes you feel helpless and torments you.

I have so much respect for you Roger Federer, coz everytime you were on your knees you got up and faced the opponent. You did not run away from the battle field nor did you give up. I admire your grit and perseverance. Time and again you have been willing to fight it out in the court. With fears and doubts in your mind, you still rose, faced the crowds and fought it out. You have class. You are my hero.

And when you cried during the award ceremony, i cried too for myself and for you too. Being driven to the point where one cries after all the effort and patience, means a lot. We both were bared to the bones, flesh and blood. And i also know, both you and me will rise again like the Phoenix. We may be down but not defeated. That ain't enough to break me. Coz I'll rise above it. And I'll pick myself up. And I'll dust the pain off my heart. The pain will fade and the wounds will mend. I'll get back on my feet. It's not the end of me. My heart is still open. I'm bruised but not broken. Im Down but not defeated.

No matter what, Roger Federer you will always be in my Hall of Fame. And Pete Sampras you too.

An ode to my friends

After air, water, food and family, my fifth lifeline has been friends. Friends who stood by me through thick and thin. Some new, some very old. Some i havent met for years and not spoken to over weeks, but still the connection is strong. I have to be really lucky to have such wonderful people around me, who dont judge but simply love.

When iv found myself in doldrums, the hands that pulled me out came easily. Support was a phonecall away. I cant imagine life without them. On days when you know somethings bothering you - friends give that listening ear without looking at the watch, how much time has gone by speaking. The feeling of security and optimism friends provide makes the panic attack I have subside. I can avoid meeting them, fight with them, irritate them, annoy them, not return phonecalls, not reply to sms's, howl and growl and crib to them, but i know they will still be there.

So here's to all you my gems -

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was friends with you

(A lil tweaked version of a song)

Spotted

What do you do when you bump into someone familiar, and you are with friends. Exchange pleasantries and catch up with the latest and ofcourse introduce the others. Well, not always.

Today,I was sitting with a friend, into a serious discussion and this friend of mine suddenly spotted a familiar face coming toward us. Lo and Behold. The next instant, i saw my friend trying to wipe the nose wierdly. I thought maybe its general nose itching. But, it was a exaggerated movement of hand trying hide the face.

I thought it was just demons working in my head. I was playing the devil's advocate. To clear up the air in my head, i asked a straightforward question to my friend - Are you trying to hide yourself from being spotted with me? I did not need the answer. My friend had that look on the face that said - im flawless, the only flaw is that im sitting with you. I wished i could have disappeared in a jiffy from that place not knowing how to deal with such disrespect to your company.

Nevermind. Sometimes you're the bird, sometimes you are the statue. Guess, fair enough, it was my turn to be the statue.

Whats in a name?

That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet. The question would have left even shakespeare with a question mark on his head. So, whats the big deal in a name, il try to figure out as i write this post. But there is something about your name that really makes you smile, everytime you see it either on a tea stall board or behind a Car or you meet another person with the same name, for an instant you swell up with pride.

And its not just the name, the way its spelt too. I get really cross, if people dont get my name right or the spellings and pronounciation right. And believe, every conference call i have with clients, and they say my name in a funny way - i feel like hitting them with a wooden ruler on the knuckels just like my kindergarden teacher used to if i did not get a word right. Well, no leniency there, coz my name is a four letter word with no silent alphabets.

And then there are some people who would spell their name in the most inane way. I once had a trainer who spelled her name with probably all the vowels just to make sure the angrez got the correct accent. She spelled her name as 'Maniecka'. And a different breed will add an extra 'i' or a 's'. Karieena, Niteenn, Sseemma, Ekktaa - all stupid fans of numerlogists. The South Indians have so looooooooong names that their initials have the same number of characters as my name. :P Take for instance, remembering the full name of former president - Avul Pakir Jainilabdeen Abdul Kalam Manakkayar - or the Srilankan Cricketers can cause partial paralysis of the tongue. :P Why cant they keep it simple and short. Having names makes us different from the rats, so we answer to our names, rather than answering to a call like - Hey, You - Yellow Shirt. The name is so dear, that women tend to keep their maiden name even after marriage and add the new surname as a suffix.

Naming the is important, as i feel the name has a bearing on your personality. The name is our identity, that no one can steal away from us. The family name and surname gives you a sense of belonging. The family names build the ancestry and the family tree, often denoting the occupation as well. So, Dear shakespeare, Wherever art thou - the answer to your question is, There is a lot in the name. The whole paraphernalia of your life in a grain of sand that is engraved on the epitaph. We may die, but our names live forever.

Dilli (2)6

If you have lived in a city long enough, you see the city change its landscape. You tend to see it the way you always have - A homely familiarity that makes you spot the new against the old or look at the old anew. I was born in Delhi and twenty six years later, i can say 'Jeena yahan marna yahan...iske siwa jana kahan' has been the song of my life, so far.

I have grown up - playing in the streets of a delhi mohalla, travelling on the cramped terror blue line buses, eating street food, shoppping and haggling at the conventional karol bagh and sarojini nagar markets , fleecing autowallas, standing in traffic jams for hours coz some VIP, CM and the likes are passing by, attending Delhi University fests. And i have been a witness the massive changes to the face of Delhi - the swanky metro rail, the first mall - Ansal's Plaza, the numerous flyovers and the malls that are now sprawling, the CNG revolution.

But thank god for small mercies - there is still some heritage value that Delhi holds despite the fact delhi is a global city and on the map of the world. The old shakuntalam theatre still stands proudly. Driving around India Gate roundabout, just to eat icecream by the lush green lawns of India Gate. Paranthe wali gali. Peddle Boating at Zoo. Palika and Gaffar are the places where you get EVERYTHING under the sun. And there is so much more about Delhi - that makes it so special.

Ofcourse, Home is where the heart is. Dilli hai dilwalon ki. Delhi is home for me. Delhi has taught me a lot of important lessons in life, and a lot of credit goes to this city for the person i am today. With each passing day, Delhi becomes dearer and my love affair with Delhi becomes more intense.

Here's to you Delhi -

Mausam khushnuma ye dekh ke, Dil Dilli ke aur kareeb ho gaya hai...
Yahin raha hai, yahin kho gaya hai...
Har boond baarish ki, mitti mein kuch aisi milti hai...
Goonj ke dil se Dilli Dilli aah nikalti hai...

Love You, Delhi!

Carrot Cake

Im not very fond of cooking everyday meals, but tell me to cook something special im game. So, i decided to try out a very old recipe for Carrot Cake that i remembered from the top of my head. And Buoy o Buoy - the cake turned out to be finger licking awesome. Here's the recipe -

Ingredients:
1 cup grated carrots
1 cup sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
1 tbsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 cup flour (maida)
2 tbsp cinnamon (dalchini)
1/2 tbsp nutmeg (Jaiphal)
1/2 tbsp ginger

Instructions:
Mix together carrots, sugar, ginger, flour, cinnamon, nutmeg until well blended.
Beat the egg white and yellow separately. Mix them with oil and blend the above mixture well.
Pour into a microwave pan. Microwave for 6-7 minutes on high power, turning once or twice. Let cake stand 10 minutes before removing from pan.

Cheat Codes to a perfect cake:
Blend the mixture in one direction only, or you'l get knots in the cake.
Grind the sugar to avoid sugar crystals.
Use a toothpick to poke into the cake to check if its cooked. If the stick is clean, the cake is baked.

Do try out the recipe and tell me how it was!!

A Nose Job

A lot of water has flown down the river since i last wrote. By far, the only significant thing since then has been me getting a nose piercing done, costing me a little more than hundred rupees to aquire the piercing and the cute lil nose pin.

But, i tell you - the fun isnt in the money. And obviously its no big deal to get your nose pierced, specially when people are opting for more unconventional spots - the eye brows, lips, navel etc to flaunt their piercings. Im not too much of a fan of body art - nose, ear piercings and tattoos work for me. Other piercings kind of repel me.

Body piercing has been around for thousands of years. The earliest known body piercings were depicted on stone carvings found in Iraq in the 9th Century B.C. and in China as early as 2000 B.C. The Mayans and the Aztecs believed they would be closer to the gods through tongue piercing. Egyptians used naval piercing to mark the rite of passage from child to adult. The Romans considered nipple piercing as symbolic of virility, strength and manhood. And the Victorians were known to pierce body parts to denote their royal status.

A few years back i was way too chicken to get my nose pierced thinking it was too traditional. To me it was a symbol of belonging to a conservative family with middle class sensibilities. But now in 2009, there's been a pardigm shift in my thinking. Its the 'IN' thing, with even the west adopting it. Heidi Klum, Madonna, Britney, Ashanti have all been sporting it. But now, the nose pin is not just a piece of jewellery. Its Ethnic. Uber Cool. Earthy. Clssy.

So, I sat on the chair, with clenched fists and closed eyes to get the piercing done. The shopkeeper made a mark with a pen on my nostril. After a few rounds of me questioning - Will it hurt and the shopkeeper's assurances that it wont. I was finally ready for it. He just shoved the gun with the pin into my nostril and the process was over in a fraction of a second. There wasnt any pain while piercing, it just felt like a prick of a pin. Khoda pahaad nikli chuhiya! A glance in the mirror a minute later, the stud was sitting nicely on my nose, shining brightly.

I plan to get a small sparkling diamong nose pin. Im loving the new look and the compliments im getting. :) Who likes to get drowned in a sea of million faces. So,you better do something - get a tattoo or a blue streak of hair or a piercing and get noticed too!!

Till then, Cook your eggs sunny side up.

Conspiracy Theories

Over the past few days, news of Omar Abdullah being the youngest CM at 38 has been doing rounds. Just after the results of the poll, he commented - "If you really want something, the universe conspires for it, and you get it". And i have been wondering, how true is the Alchemist Theory by Paulo Coelho. Do the laws of Attraction really exist?

Do we really get what we want and desire? Is there some mystical powerful entity in our universe that works like an undercover agent to get us what we want. If we truly desire something and firmly believe its possible, the laws of attraction will work, says the Alchemist Theory. The only pre-condition is - you should know what you want and be receptible to whatever comes our way. Maybe, coz in the grander scheme of things, its the plan the universe has for you, which is unfolding.

Remember SRK as Om in Om Shanti Om saying - Kitni shiddat se tumhe paane ki koshish ki hai.. Ki har zarre ne mujhe tumse milane ki saazish ki hai..Kehte hain agar kisi cheez ko agar dil se chaho to saari kayanaat tumhe usse milane ki koshish me lag jaati hai. And he did get what he wanted.

So its the heart, that will get us to the place we want, the brain may have the logic and makes you think and then those little voices in the head sow the seeds of doubt. And then when there is a doubt, the conviction to want something isnt at its best. The brain dilutes what the heart says.

Probably thats why Santa and Children are inseparable. Arent, children blissfully happy? They do what they feel like doing, without applying the mind to judge things. As a child, the purity in the wish and strong belief in Santa gets them what they write on a piece of paper and hang it in the stocking by the christmas tree or mail it to Santa at North Pole. And then we grow up, the brain starts doing what it does best - trying to put logic into everything. And the Santa Claus magic does not work for us anymore. No adult would believe in the legend of Santa. We let the brain rule and ruin the happiness we used to have a kid.

So listen to your heart when its calling for you. Next time you drop a coin in the wishing well - make sure the wish is doubt proof and you know what you want. Nourish the child in you. Wish earnestly like a child, let the Laws of Attraction work and the world will be at your feet.

Wishful thinking till then.

Coffee, Gupshup etc

Visited Sam's parents this weekend. Auntie is a History Lecturer at one of the best colleges in North Campus. She is a very simple yet an arty lady and an excellent conversationalist. Her knowledge about Arts and Literature is immense. Being a Bengali adds to her arty side. And sam tells me, she likes me a lot too. So you see, its a mutual admiration society. Im in total awe of her simple and uncomplex philosphies about life. There is so much warmth and positivity that oozes from her. I should visit her more often.

We chatted for long over coffee about life, work, movies, college, batchmates etc. As we spoke the talks became less random, more philosophical. Had a good discussion with her about life, its intricacies. Talking about batchmates she casually said to me - Dont you think, the curse of Professional Education is peer pressure? Isnt it true - The answer to how well i am doing is relative to how my batchmates are doing in career and their personal lives.

A lot can happen over coffee. Indeed.

Talking of happening, Aamir Khan is so happening in Ghajini. Although the movie is a adaptation of Momento and a remake of Tamil Movie. Its a run of the mill story - revenge for the killed lover. A cliched story, but it been done very well. Even with the action, blood and gory scenes, i found the movie to be very sensitive and moving. With hardly any dialogues for Aamir, the expressions on the face, the intensity in the look of the eye conveys it all. The length of the film did not worry me, however at one point i was very restless to find out what unfolded in the second diary. Ghajini gripped my attention, glued me to the screen and gets my vote for the movie for the year. Kudos to Aamir and the Director.

Oh, did i tell you, 'Buying Jeans' has always been a mini project for me. Those who have accompanied me while shopping for jeans would know. Ive always had a harrowing time trying numerous pairs of every brand under the sun, and yet not one fitted well. So specially made i am :P But,But,But for the very first time in the history of me shopping for jeans - the first shop i entered,the first pair of jeans i tried, it fitted me perfectly, i paid the bill and walked out in flat 15 minutes. It was a very big achievement. Icing on the cake - a flat 50% discount on the purchase.

*Thinks Enough yapping* This is the only place where i can say as much as i want without any boundaries. I often wonder, who the hell reads such inane stuff that i post. But hey, my visitor map tells me my blogs are read. It isnt a bad statistic - four out of seven continents have atleast one visitor to my blog. But, im not loud enough to reach Africa, South America and Antartica.

Seriously enough yapping, im not even talking sense now, but what the heck - this isnt supposed to be a constitution. Anyways, I should seriously shut up.

Okay, last words for the day - Good Night!

Im impossible, i know. :D

A Bad Start

On any given cold, chilly winter winter morning, the ignition of the car gets stuck and the car would not start smoothly. I had some choking too to make a new start on New Years Day of 2009. The start to the new year wasnt rocking at all. Infact it was far from rocking. Call it rocky!

I am always on/before time whenever i have to go out for some work or to meet someone. The morning started with me getting late for no specific reason. I was late by ten minutes. Thats a lot by my standards.

Also as a routine, every year i start by wishing near and dear ones first thing in the morning. This year it was different. I just replied to whoever smsed or called. But there was something amiss.

By evening found myself sulking even more, feeling lost in time and alone in space. It seemed like no angel in heaven could break the satan spell i was under. The only place that seemed safe and comforting was my bed and quilt. Tears flowed easily, skipped dinner, wishing for sleep with a silent prayer.

What a bad start to the new year. It could not have been worse. The only thoughts that did rounds were that things get worse before getting better, you have to be lost to find yourself. A small lesson learnt the hardway.

The only constants in my life at this moment-Its Friday, 3:30 AM, January 2, 2009 by my system clock. I am 26 years old and my city is Delhi.

I hope with tommorrow's sun rise i can put this bad first day behind me. With a little faith that i have in myself,i hope the rest of the 364 days have something good in store for me. Dont know whats coming my way this year. But one thing is for sure - Il be wishing for the best and preparing for the worst.

Peace!