Hello Dolly

Some had the pampering of their grandmothers, some had the laps of their mom's, some sucked quietly onto their thumbs, For my sense of security as a child, I had a Barbie. And I still have the doll. She ate with me, slept with me, played with me and I dragged her everywhere by her hair. I felt safe by taking her along.

It's not incredible - people attach meaning to inanimate objects - dolls, watches, mufflers, a dried flower - though just another thing to most - it can be the blanket of security that gives a sense of belonging to a few - including me.

Then I grew up and clinged to people and things closest to my heart. When people my age were moving on, leaving their homes, cities even countries to study or to work – I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think to move. I still cant. And that need for security has forever been burning in me, in its powerful and protective yet different forms. We downplay our deepest need to be valued and cherished that makes us vulnerable yet so strong.

Home-ly yours
Faded Glory

Inky Pinky Ponki

Its not just a counting out game children play. It indeed is an important way to figure out who you want to have as the last man standing. For some you will always be the choice and for some you will always be just an option.

The hard fact remains - Never make someone a priority if you are just an option for them. Just take a good look at your friends, family, co workers and significant others. There is no excuse for poor behaviour of people; just dont accept anything less than you deserve and weed out the rest!

Do things for people who in turn will do things for you! Give up things for people who will in turn give up things for you! Have people around you who in turn want to have you around!

Dont worry about the rest as they will have another option nearby.

Pondering-ly Yours
Faded Glory

A walk to remember

Its just not a bloody movie! Its a movie that made me cry! Had my own little 'A Walk to Remember. 3 hours. On Foot. From Dhaula Kuan to Home.

With tired feet, a dead brain, cold hands, heavy shoulders and a small little heart that has little hope for myself, I said to myself a million times over - I will never be understood and accepted.

Good, Bad, Ugly

Of all the messiness internal to my head and the heart for the last 3-4 days, it spilled onto the outside too. Sometimes they say the exterior is a reflection of whats on the inside.

- Wore the same clothes for the 2nd consecutive today. Shabby Me :D
- Went to work without taking a bath. Filthy Me :D
- Wore the tee and the sweater inside out. Stupid Me :D
- Forgot my work laptop at home. Foolish Me :D
- Locked out my own account by entering a wrong password 3 times. Idiotic Me :D
- Wore no earrings or kajal or combing my hair. Ugly me :D
- Told all the above to almost everyone. Funny Me :D

Of everything that happens and bogs me down, thank god for small mercies that I can still laugh at the silliness of things than let the drama rule my life.

Smiling-ly yours
Faded Glory

Erase & Rewind

November went by so fast without even making a swooshing sound. With the privelege of it among the last few months of the year, November makes a special case this year. Total crazy-silliness, yet, personally satisfying and fulfilling in a way. Draining and exhaustive in another way. Having enjoyed and survived it all and totally loving the fact. December knocks at the door. Bring it on I'd say!!

28 on 24

Someone once said, 'Growing old is not an option, Growing up is'. I turned 28 today. Figuratively,I feel grown up from what life has taught me the hard way and literally I have grown in size as well :( I have grown old inevitably by an year. Have a few strands of grey hair here and there. I'l take it as a sign of wisdom i.e. understanding of myself.

There's this little person inside me -
Who thinks that she is lucky to have great friends.
Who cries a lot.
Who lives without care.
Who is forever in her day dreams.
Who laughs at every funny and non funny thing
Who surprises herself by following the heart totally
Who loves malls and janpath equally.
Who thinks and analyses a lot.
Who is indecisive and finicky.
Who is wanting affirmation.
Who trusts people easily.

And then there is this sometimes crazy person inside me

Who is scared of being lonely.
Who falls in love several times with a song, a color, a bag.
Who doesnt find time to put nail paint but finds time to blog.
Who is mushy and moody. Mostly cynical.Sometimes whimsical. Majorly stupid.
Who is overly sensitive and totally protective about self.
Who loves to make plan A, plan B, plan C, plan D and so on.
Who is quite intense but then again doesnt show it outwardly.
Who is dying to get out of the shell but feels trapped.
Who is let down by people so many times.

Every second - I am learning to understand this person. Im reaching there, little by little. Year after year.

Blogger's Park

It’s the battle of the heart to find just the right words with which to express itself. That obsessive and compulsive urge to find clarity of what consumes you. It’s the longing of the voice that screams inside of you that constantly fades in the noise of the world around you. Its the desire to be heard and understood.

It’s that moment in which you sit on the computer and the world around you disappears, fading into an insignificant empty nothingness and all that remains are the the dark fears that you confront, and the hopes that you find comfort in.

It's the series of words that are evocative and provocative. Clear and Descriptive. Waiting to be used. Bringing to life, the story of the thoughts.

My epiphany of the day : Just when you think you are finally ready to walk straight, life comes up with a long winded spiral staircase!

Break Even

How many times is it possible to get your heart broken?
And
How many times by the same person ?

Will cry and brood over it and come back with answers if i get any ;)

Its Complicated

Facebook is smart. Really Smart. It has the option of relationship status as 'Its complicated' for people like me. But arent all relationships complicated.

Just that some are very complicated.

There is endless talking. There is sharing. There is care. There is a physical element in some way. There is fun. There is flirtatiousness. There is possessiveness. There is lust. There is liking. There is a connect. There is bonding. There is conflict. There is fun. There is a clash of opinions. There is support. There is a disagreement. There is happiness. There is fighting too. There is sweet nothing talk. There is getting hurt too. There is a spark. And so much more.

Is something missing? There is or it wont be complicated ;) But it anyway will be complicated.

Hope I find the missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle soon!

Not my day

There are days on which im happy as a lark without any reason. There are days when im grumpy and irritated, again without a reason. Its the latter today.

Just not feeling upto the mark. Maybe there is something that is bothering me, but i do not know clearly - what. I snapped at my colleague who borrowed a pen and never returned it, calling him a stationary thief. There is loads of work to be done, iv been staring at the excel sheet, i just cannot concentrate. Im even averse to music right now, even listening to my favourite songs isnt working. My favourite thing in the world - Food - isnt appealing either. Its an inexplicable feeling, closest to the following lines of a not so famous song.

Andhera Pagal hain, kitna ghanera hain
Chubhta hain, dasta hain, phir bhi woh mera hain
Uski hi godi main, sir rakhke sona hain
Uski hi baahon main, chupke se rona hain
Ankhon se kajal ban, behta andhera aaj

Nonetheless, each day is just twenty four hours long, whether one is on cloud 9 or down in the dump and every darkest night has a dawning day to look forward to. I guess, I should call it a day, the earth will spin in 24 hours and it'l be a brand new day.

This cycle never ends, Gotta fall in order to mend. - Joshua Radin

I wouldnt call it a date

This weekend i had enough chores to do to keep me occupied, but not too much to prevent a little fun-and-frolic time. A colleague of mine broached the idea of having coffee together. I agreed,as i had nothing better to do at home.

He picked me up, we went out for coffee at a nearby coffee shop,had a good conversation about food,places,friends,work,family and other random things. He paid for the latte, got me a chocolate and politely dropped me at the door, even opened the doors for me. Although, it is a date by the look of it. But i refuse to call it a date.

It made me go back down memory lane. My first date in college, almost did an act which could easily compare to sir walter raleigh laying his plush and expensive cloak over a mud puddle so that the queens's feet would not be dirtied.

Still smiling, writing this post, but not sure why - maybe its the nostalgia of first date in 10 years back or the fact i was back from a meeting(close to a date, which i would not like to call one for political reasons) or the re-affirmed faith in men knowing how to treat the woman well and making her smile without being romantically involved with her.

But, who cares about the reason! :)

Klueless

..And so I shout out
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I scream at the top of my lungs.
What's going on?

This was wats going on with me . Somebody please use some cipher to decrypt whatever the above meant and let me know too :P

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Last few weeks have been really topsy-turvy. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Am finally getting better and will be able to go to office and step out of house after almost two weeks. Yay!!!

Not that i did not enjoy doing nothing at home. TV guide coming up in the next post. Keep watching this space for more!

P.S. I love the puzzles by the name of this post :)

The Best Laid Plans

They say in their native Scottish tongue : ``Best laid plans o' mice an' men gang aft agley'', meaning the best laid plans often go awry for mice and men.

So very true. I plan a lot, sometimes secretly - some big plans - the places i want to go to, how to celebrate birthdays falling on weekends and some small plans - sending a congratulations card on someone's promotion or what to wear on a particular day. And whatever i planned, i planned thinking only of the good times. I guess i should have made a Plan B, knowing life doesnt always go as we planned. The unexpected will strike and life will happen when you're busy making other plans.

I only focussed on the good, ignored the bad and surged ahead. I failed to prepare for the worst. And when youre caught unaware, when things strike suddenly, it can be pretty hard to get a grip over things. As if someone just takes away the ground on which you had both your little feet firmly placed. Believe, there are people in the world who could do that to you.

Lesson Learnt the hard way - Hope for the best, but do prepare for the worst.