Free Falling

Should I just ask
Instead of wearing a mask
That everything is alright
Not by a long sight

Should I just hangon
when conclusion seems foregone
somethings may change
the world looks so strange

Should I just forget
like a bad debt
what i'm trying to clutch
feelings that senses cant touch

What should I do
I wish I knew
No crystal ball
To tell me all

Let the church bells toll
Let the die roll
With sixth sense to guide me
Hope I wont be falling free!

I believe in...

I believe in..
Choosing to be silent
Instead of finding a vent
Few care for your anger
For the rest - put it on a hanger

I believe in..
Struggling with my fear
Things go into reverse gear
Few care for that feeling
For the rest - put a cieling

I believe in..
Fighting out a quiet battle
The head may rattle
Few care for your absence
For the rest - put a fence

Nobody I Know

While returning to home today; I met someone. Someone from school days, but not exactly a school mate. He was the only one standing there. I was the only one walking as well. He looked very different and I have grown up too since I last saw him as a school going kid. Even after seeing him after more than a decade it only took a fraction of a second to recognize him. And the same happened for him as well, when he saw me. If you look into someone's eyes you realize nothing has changed, though years would have gone by. As I approached where he stood, I did not know what to do. I was confused. I was happy to see him. And I was sad to see him at the same time.

He was a rickshaw puller. He used to ferry me at times to and fro to the bus stop. All his life he has been pulling a rickshaw and still does that. At the same place. Old, White hair, a little wasted. I decided not to take the rikshaw; I walked down to home out of respect for his age. Wanted to give him some money but that would be disrespect. So I stopped for a while and talked to him. His old age hadnt affected his memory one bit; he even remembered my name. Then I continued walking towards home.

I dont know what to call what I feel about it.

Do you have a word for it?

Point Blank

Sometimes you dont know what you are feeling anymore coz you are numb. What is the point when you think its pointless. Is it the time you feel let down? Is it the time when you give up on yourself? or give up on someone else? Is it the time you feel like not reacting? Is it the time when you become indifferent?

I feel when you feel nothing, thats when there is no point. When you are no longer surprised at what is happening, but left with a few bursts of emotions and tears here and there, just at the way it's happening. When you don't want to get back but sit back. Watch how far and how low it's gonna go. How much farther the wheel will drag before you see it wobble. It's the time you withdraw and surrender, be a silent spectator knowing something is slipping and you cant do anything about it. When you don't love. When you don't hate. When you just shrug. When you care no more. Then its pointless.

Its like being in a cinema hall, when you notice for the first time how the red EXIT sign at the door is when the movie is about to end. When you wonder if it was always this red and you were too distracted by the movie to notice it. That's the point to get up and go because its pointless.

pointless-ly yours,
Faded Glory

Keep Walking

All these years life has taught me by staring in my face. Whatever you want most, is always just two small steps away. It seems so close yet that little distance seems far. Yet, its always just at a arms distance, little ahead of you. Just a little away. You feel it's within reach, there it is, just two steps more and i'll be there, just a little push, a little stretch and i'll have it in my grasp. And by the time you finally get there or it lands in your grasp, either you no longer want it or you are not happy about reaching there or you have found something new to want which is again, just two steps away, always two steps away.

That's how you go on, that's how life goes on.

Sleepless in Seattle

All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above

Know that you arent alone
The whole world shares your tears
Some for two nights or one
And some for all their years

- Vikram Seth

Last Day

Access Card Submit - Check
KT and Handover - Check
Exit Interview - Check
Drawer Items Packed - Check
Data Backup - Check
Goodbye Email - Check

The only items that remain unchecked are thoughts, feelings and emotions, particularly the unhappy ones.