tightly are my feelings, emotions and words. I have never been a woman of few words. I never found difficulty with stringing words together in a sentence. Offlately, im going through a dry spell (by choice), where in i prefer to keep mum, and sit in silence. At times, i have the cursor on the screen blinking at me and me in turn blinking at the cursor as if we have nothing to say to each other and other times, thoughts in my stomach churning waiting to succumb to verbal diahhorea. And there are moments when one wants to flush out the stream of thoughts, feelings and emotions through writing.
In the midst of all the chaos of life, i have tried to pick up few things that i loved/love doing in my freetime. Reading is one of them. Once a voracious reader, i slowed down the reading train in the humdrum of daily life. I have started reading again, have read four books last month - bought some, borrowed some. But im catching up with my loooong 'Books to read' list.
The other day at a bookstore, i walked up to the arts and crafts section. The glossy pages of the craft books woke up the dormant creative person in me. I got back home to open my documents folder to see the prize certificates i had won at art competitions way back in school. I dug up my colors, brushes and board that day. They'l be in action soon. Feeling motivated, i picked up a needle, thread and some cloth and made a new sleak cover for my ipod, with the help of my mom. Oh, BTW - my artistic genes are the courtesy of my soooper talented mom. She still knits the most amazing sweaters and had made beautiful cushion covers, table mats and emroidered sarees for her trousseau.
Dancing is another passion that i have. Its difficult for me to abstain from dancing - be it a baraat, a party or even a nice dance number on TV. I took classical dance classes for about three years. And then because of studies and higher classes i left it.
Alwys wanted to learn a musical instrument too. Maybe the violin or the guitar. But it got restricted to table-tabla :P
With five days to go for 2009, i have made a resolution of sorts. Id keep my passion for art, dance and reading alive. Starting 2009, i intend to devote time to these activities and re-discovering the passion and penchant for these finer things in life.
Amen!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Indian Ocean @ Delhi
A cold winter evening! Hundered's of People! Fusion Music - Classical + Rock! Indian Ocean Concert organised by 48 degrees - a arts festival in Delhi. Indian Ocean drowned the crowds with their music, like the waves of the tsunami. The open air concert was fantabulous. Scheduled to start at 6pm, they started a lil late, but it was worth the wait. They played for 3 hours at a stretch with a five minute loo break.
They opened the concert with the song - Kya Maloom - a song that was dedicated to the Kargil War, followed by Ma Rewa - which was picked up for the Narmada Movement. Kandisa, Desert Rain, Jhini followed.
For finale, they played their first Hit, Bandeh - featured as the OST of movie - Black Friday. The crowds did not let them get off the stage, and we had fifteen minutes of a once more request of - Bandeh!
I had heard Indian Ocean songs on CD, but nothing beats the live concert. The atmosphere was amazing, the crowds shouting all along, moving along with the music. The songs gave me goosebumps. The vocals by Amit were great and equally good was Susmit Sen on Guitar. Nothing about appearance told, they were a rock band. Their songs do the talking for them. Their music is quite different, quite contemprary with a fusion of rock and classical, with a range of instruments - tabla, khamak, guitar, drums et al. Plain simple lyrics on earthy classical music, with a lil bit of Jazz thrown in it. Just the kind, that is soul-stirring.
Thouroughly enjoyed myself. Missed some people, who are totally into music - like me. Had they come, it would have been even more fun. They missed all of it ;)
Indian Ocean - You Rock!!
They opened the concert with the song - Kya Maloom - a song that was dedicated to the Kargil War, followed by Ma Rewa - which was picked up for the Narmada Movement. Kandisa, Desert Rain, Jhini followed.
For finale, they played their first Hit, Bandeh - featured as the OST of movie - Black Friday. The crowds did not let them get off the stage, and we had fifteen minutes of a once more request of - Bandeh!
I had heard Indian Ocean songs on CD, but nothing beats the live concert. The atmosphere was amazing, the crowds shouting all along, moving along with the music. The songs gave me goosebumps. The vocals by Amit were great and equally good was Susmit Sen on Guitar. Nothing about appearance told, they were a rock band. Their songs do the talking for them. Their music is quite different, quite contemprary with a fusion of rock and classical, with a range of instruments - tabla, khamak, guitar, drums et al. Plain simple lyrics on earthy classical music, with a lil bit of Jazz thrown in it. Just the kind, that is soul-stirring.
Thouroughly enjoyed myself. Missed some people, who are totally into music - like me. Had they come, it would have been even more fun. They missed all of it ;)
Indian Ocean - You Rock!!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Seven Year Itch
Most people talk about the seven year itch. It may be seven months or four years into your relationship, before it starts itching. The emphasis is on the itch not the time when it occurs. So what do you do when it itches, start scratching rite??
When a relationship begins, partners cant get enough of each other, see no faults in others. As time goes by, ennui sets in. One starts criticizing the other for the flaws in the individual that were there all along. People are taken for granted. The novelty and charm of the new relationship is gone. The candle lit dinners, long walks, anniversary celebrations become a thing of the past. The monotony of life takes over. With little enthusiam in the air, dis-satisfaction with the current state of affairs sets in. Its like chewing gum, thats old and has lost its flavor and color and there's lil fun in chewing it.
I wonder, is the flame eternal or it needs to be re-fuelled to keep it burning. Im sure, sooner or later boredom would set in sooner or later, with anyone you have a relationship with. Contentment and Happiness is someting internal posted in a previous post - Completeness.
So what do you do other than scratching when it starts to itch? Breakoff with the old & Start of with some one more promising
OR
Indulge in an side-relationship (extramarital or two-timing) to get the thrill and excitement back into your life
OR
Re-invent yourself and the Relationship.
Its a story of - Different strokes for different folks. Any thoughts??
When a relationship begins, partners cant get enough of each other, see no faults in others. As time goes by, ennui sets in. One starts criticizing the other for the flaws in the individual that were there all along. People are taken for granted. The novelty and charm of the new relationship is gone. The candle lit dinners, long walks, anniversary celebrations become a thing of the past. The monotony of life takes over. With little enthusiam in the air, dis-satisfaction with the current state of affairs sets in. Its like chewing gum, thats old and has lost its flavor and color and there's lil fun in chewing it.
I wonder, is the flame eternal or it needs to be re-fuelled to keep it burning. Im sure, sooner or later boredom would set in sooner or later, with anyone you have a relationship with. Contentment and Happiness is someting internal posted in a previous post - Completeness.
So what do you do other than scratching when it starts to itch? Breakoff with the old & Start of with some one more promising
OR
Indulge in an side-relationship (extramarital or two-timing) to get the thrill and excitement back into your life
OR
Re-invent yourself and the Relationship.
Its a story of - Different strokes for different folks. Any thoughts??
Monday, December 15, 2008
Staying Afloat
5 yrs back, at an amusement park, i jumped into a shallow pool. I explored more and started walking on the pool floor. Little i had known then, that a few pools have a slanting floor, making the pool deep at one end and shallow at the other. Found myself in unfamiliar territory. I did not know how to swim and obviously found myself crying for help, coz i was drowning. I gulped a lot of water, began kicking and splashing water, The faster i moved my hands and legs the deeper i went into water, struggling to stay afloat.
In life, at times, thats what you can find yourself in literally and figuratively speaking. Remember these simple things that will keep you afloat when the unknown strikes you.
- No one is responsible for your happiness except you. Its within.
- You cannot be successful without persistence. It takes persistence to win.
- If you want the reward, you must pay the price.
- Begin by giving what you want. You must sow in order to reap.
- If you were to change your script, you will get a different response.
- Keep your sense of humour and you will retain your power.
- Make your best effort. Atheletes train for 15yrs for a 20 second performance at championships.
Remember the tricks, and Stay Afloat. Enjoy ur swim in the ocean called life. India is perfectly poised to win the test, with tendulkar's much needed knock. Work for today is done, 1 hr before logoff time. Listening to John Denver - This old guitar - on my new ipod.
In life, at times, thats what you can find yourself in literally and figuratively speaking. Remember these simple things that will keep you afloat when the unknown strikes you.
- No one is responsible for your happiness except you. Its within.
- You cannot be successful without persistence. It takes persistence to win.
- If you want the reward, you must pay the price.
- Begin by giving what you want. You must sow in order to reap.
- If you were to change your script, you will get a different response.
- Keep your sense of humour and you will retain your power.
- Make your best effort. Atheletes train for 15yrs for a 20 second performance at championships.
Remember the tricks, and Stay Afloat. Enjoy ur swim in the ocean called life. India is perfectly poised to win the test, with tendulkar's much needed knock. Work for today is done, 1 hr before logoff time. Listening to John Denver - This old guitar - on my new ipod.
Friday, December 12, 2008
I want a Dog!...
...reads my status message on Gtalk and Facebook. And what varied responses i got for the status message -
Response 1 : You dont need a dog, You need a Man.
Response 2: Beta, ab shaadi karle.
Response 3: Kal ko tune haathi maanga to?
Response 4: Its time for you to settle down into marriage.
Response 5: Shaadi kyun nahi kar leti?
What surprises me is that 3 of 5 responses indicated marriage. Whats the analogy? But i see the logic now. Well im not equating men to dogs or otherwise.
Im the kind of person who thrives on attention and believes in touching and feeling. Hence, the talk of the dog. Pets thrive on attention too. So maybe me and my dog can be nice companions. Added benefits - It'l be there when i want to take a walk. After a bad day, someone to sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. Maybe i need someone whom i could pamper and cuddle and talk gibberish to. Maybe i want someone to run and greet me when i come from work. It'l keep me busy and happy too.
There is another part of me that doesnt want to keep a pet. Iv owned one once - a rabbit which i named 'QT'. You can be lazy to cook for self but not afford to skip a meal for the pet. I specially used to get carrot and cabbage for it, even in the unseasonal days from a market that was far from my place. QT even had a special bed, and acted pricy too - used to eat roti laced with ghee, if not she refused to eat. Marie Biscuits were part of standard monthly grocery list for QT. It was lovely to have QT around, completely took my mind off worries and tensions. QT died. It was a horrible time to deal with the loss of your pet that was the cynosure of your eyes for years. Mom and Me had decided not to keep a pet again coz it hurted a lot when QT was gone.
After 3yrs, im wanting to have a dog. Mom would need convincing on that. Dad hates pets. Bhai will be an ally. Yay!! Lets hope i get my dog soon. I have a name in mind too.
Response 1 : You dont need a dog, You need a Man.
Response 2: Beta, ab shaadi karle.
Response 3: Kal ko tune haathi maanga to?
Response 4: Its time for you to settle down into marriage.
Response 5: Shaadi kyun nahi kar leti?
What surprises me is that 3 of 5 responses indicated marriage. Whats the analogy? But i see the logic now. Well im not equating men to dogs or otherwise.
Im the kind of person who thrives on attention and believes in touching and feeling. Hence, the talk of the dog. Pets thrive on attention too. So maybe me and my dog can be nice companions. Added benefits - It'l be there when i want to take a walk. After a bad day, someone to sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. Maybe i need someone whom i could pamper and cuddle and talk gibberish to. Maybe i want someone to run and greet me when i come from work. It'l keep me busy and happy too.
There is another part of me that doesnt want to keep a pet. Iv owned one once - a rabbit which i named 'QT'. You can be lazy to cook for self but not afford to skip a meal for the pet. I specially used to get carrot and cabbage for it, even in the unseasonal days from a market that was far from my place. QT even had a special bed, and acted pricy too - used to eat roti laced with ghee, if not she refused to eat. Marie Biscuits were part of standard monthly grocery list for QT. It was lovely to have QT around, completely took my mind off worries and tensions. QT died. It was a horrible time to deal with the loss of your pet that was the cynosure of your eyes for years. Mom and Me had decided not to keep a pet again coz it hurted a lot when QT was gone.
After 3yrs, im wanting to have a dog. Mom would need convincing on that. Dad hates pets. Bhai will be an ally. Yay!! Lets hope i get my dog soon. I have a name in mind too.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Little Miss Sunshine
Its starting to get cold in delhi, and foggy too. The shortening of days, lack of sunlight, gray skies makes me so lethargic and saps the energy out of me. The winter doldrums hit me hard. Sluggishly i do my chores and feel generally gloomy. A few lingering thoughts in your head too have a bearing on my mood. The harshness and barreness of the winters make me loathesome.
These days im fretting more, getting frustrated, crib and cry a lot without any particular reason. Sometimes for a reason. At times i just want to run as fast and far as i can till my last breath, feeling the cold on the face and finally fall down panting. Why? To stand still. Arent we all running to stand still in our own ways?
Winter Days are so perfect for a melancholy mood, contemplative silence and listening to a few personal fave sound tracks. And funny is the law of nature, winter co-incides with year ending and beginnings. Paranoia and anxiety rules the head. Maybe thats why the very cold nations have christmas to cheer people up with sweets and gifts and gettogethers. Warmth of people around can make you feel safe and comforted.
I need the sun to charge me up like Jadoo from Koi Mil Gaya, yearning for dhoooooooooppp. If the sun takes a day off, i try to brighten up my day by wearing bright(read jattack) colored pullovers or accessories or gorge on chocolate excess. I wore my multicolored muffler today the whole day in an attempt to give my mood some uplifting. It did its job well.
All this is not some piece of my infertile imagination. Not too worry, Im not going mad, there is a scientific term that explains the complexity of my feelings by a simple three word term called SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). SAD is making me SAD.
These days im fretting more, getting frustrated, crib and cry a lot without any particular reason. Sometimes for a reason. At times i just want to run as fast and far as i can till my last breath, feeling the cold on the face and finally fall down panting. Why? To stand still. Arent we all running to stand still in our own ways?
Winter Days are so perfect for a melancholy mood, contemplative silence and listening to a few personal fave sound tracks. And funny is the law of nature, winter co-incides with year ending and beginnings. Paranoia and anxiety rules the head. Maybe thats why the very cold nations have christmas to cheer people up with sweets and gifts and gettogethers. Warmth of people around can make you feel safe and comforted.
I need the sun to charge me up like Jadoo from Koi Mil Gaya, yearning for dhoooooooooppp. If the sun takes a day off, i try to brighten up my day by wearing bright(read jattack) colored pullovers or accessories or gorge on chocolate excess. I wore my multicolored muffler today the whole day in an attempt to give my mood some uplifting. It did its job well.
All this is not some piece of my infertile imagination. Not too worry, Im not going mad, there is a scientific term that explains the complexity of my feelings by a simple three word term called SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). SAD is making me SAD.
Monday, December 1, 2008
The Final Countdown
2008 comes to an end in another 30 days.Im exactly 26 yrs 5 months 1 week today. Talking of timespans - I hit the pause and felt as if life moved in the fast-forward mode this year, everything blurred as if one travelled in a very fast bullet train. How did the year fare for me? Should be clearer, in the rear view mirror. Rewind. Play in slow motion. Thats how it went -
Caution: Long Post Ahead!
January: New Year, New Resolutions and Personal New Beginnings. January was on a high note. High on enthusiasm, fresh and invigorating from one of the most memorable trip out of delhi. 5 people, 1 Car, 5000kms, 5 days, n number of cities covered on the roadtrip. Perfect Beginning to set the tempo for the rest of the year.
February: Still on the upper side of the wave. Travelling in the air. This time it was with family to the emerald isles in the Indian Ocean/Bay of Bengal. The pristine white sands and the clear tranquil waters of the beaches of Andamans is far from the maddening crowd of Delhi. February was quite significant, two of my bucket list items covered here - snorkelling under the coral reefs and visiting a white sand, blue water beaches and islands.
March: After a spending a bomb on the trip, it was back to being money concious. Plutus ruled the month. The month of money matters, Income tax savings, Proofs, Form 16's and what not. Shelling out a lakh for savings was although not difficult, but it spelled out - Tighten the purse strings for the rest of the year.
April: The month of socializing. Birthdays, Weddings, Engagements, Baby Announcements. Dad's Bday, S's Bday, M's Marriage, B's Engagement, S's wedding and so much more. On my toes, was the sport.
May: A not so good month. Part of it went into being insecure about my job. Found myself constantly fretting about my job, since my firm issued pink slips to about 300 people randomly. The other part went into organising and planning the college camping trip to tehri. My first Adventure Activity Trip where i did rapelling, river crossing et al.
June: My Birthday Month. :D Turned 26 on 24th. As always freinds and family hoped it was my last spinster bday. Doing pretty good for my age but worried about where i was going in and which way life is headed. Mid-Year. Mid-Life Crisis looms.
July: Studies and Leaves and Exams were the flavors of the month. The 6th sem exams spanned the whole month. The final dissertation, the minor projects, notes was all i lay my hands on. The last leg of the weekend MBA. Made all the efforts like the last slog overs in a one day match, to better my CGPA.
August: A new Project in the Investment Banking domain. Probably one of the very few good things that came my way in my entire career. Along with challenges came responsibilties. Was in the thick of soup briefly trying to create a niche for myself in the number crunching population at the new workplace.
September: Murphy's law was wanting to be proved. Just when i stepped into the Fin World, the industry went for a lunch break. The May-mayhem was back again. Firms shutting down, layoffs happening. The insecurity was coming back in bits - professionally and personally. I was fighting with self, and conflicts around me. Song of the Month - Wake me up, when september ends.
October: Just a routine month. Lots of going out, festivals, celebrations. A good month,id say. No news is good news, right.
November: Work, Work and Work was the only highlight this month. Working long hours, working on weekends. Its good to be workaholic for a month in any given year, specially around appraisals ;)
December: Wait and Watch. Well no, sitting on the sidelines. Il make sure the year ends well too, just on the note it started. The baton should be at a high when passed on to 2009.
The balance sheet shows green. Overall, with a few rough patches here and there, its been a good year. And good is good enough for me. :)
Bi-Bi 2008.
Caution: Long Post Ahead!
January: New Year, New Resolutions and Personal New Beginnings. January was on a high note. High on enthusiasm, fresh and invigorating from one of the most memorable trip out of delhi. 5 people, 1 Car, 5000kms, 5 days, n number of cities covered on the roadtrip. Perfect Beginning to set the tempo for the rest of the year.
February: Still on the upper side of the wave. Travelling in the air. This time it was with family to the emerald isles in the Indian Ocean/Bay of Bengal. The pristine white sands and the clear tranquil waters of the beaches of Andamans is far from the maddening crowd of Delhi. February was quite significant, two of my bucket list items covered here - snorkelling under the coral reefs and visiting a white sand, blue water beaches and islands.
March: After a spending a bomb on the trip, it was back to being money concious. Plutus ruled the month. The month of money matters, Income tax savings, Proofs, Form 16's and what not. Shelling out a lakh for savings was although not difficult, but it spelled out - Tighten the purse strings for the rest of the year.
April: The month of socializing. Birthdays, Weddings, Engagements, Baby Announcements. Dad's Bday, S's Bday, M's Marriage, B's Engagement, S's wedding and so much more. On my toes, was the sport.
May: A not so good month. Part of it went into being insecure about my job. Found myself constantly fretting about my job, since my firm issued pink slips to about 300 people randomly. The other part went into organising and planning the college camping trip to tehri. My first Adventure Activity Trip where i did rapelling, river crossing et al.
June: My Birthday Month. :D Turned 26 on 24th. As always freinds and family hoped it was my last spinster bday. Doing pretty good for my age but worried about where i was going in and which way life is headed. Mid-Year. Mid-Life Crisis looms.
July: Studies and Leaves and Exams were the flavors of the month. The 6th sem exams spanned the whole month. The final dissertation, the minor projects, notes was all i lay my hands on. The last leg of the weekend MBA. Made all the efforts like the last slog overs in a one day match, to better my CGPA.
August: A new Project in the Investment Banking domain. Probably one of the very few good things that came my way in my entire career. Along with challenges came responsibilties. Was in the thick of soup briefly trying to create a niche for myself in the number crunching population at the new workplace.
September: Murphy's law was wanting to be proved. Just when i stepped into the Fin World, the industry went for a lunch break. The May-mayhem was back again. Firms shutting down, layoffs happening. The insecurity was coming back in bits - professionally and personally. I was fighting with self, and conflicts around me. Song of the Month - Wake me up, when september ends.
October: Just a routine month. Lots of going out, festivals, celebrations. A good month,id say. No news is good news, right.
November: Work, Work and Work was the only highlight this month. Working long hours, working on weekends. Its good to be workaholic for a month in any given year, specially around appraisals ;)
December: Wait and Watch. Well no, sitting on the sidelines. Il make sure the year ends well too, just on the note it started. The baton should be at a high when passed on to 2009.
The balance sheet shows green. Overall, with a few rough patches here and there, its been a good year. And good is good enough for me. :)
Bi-Bi 2008.
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