Saturday, December 27, 2008

Sealed...

tightly are my feelings, emotions and words. I have never been a woman of few words. I never found difficulty with stringing words together in a sentence. Offlately, im going through a dry spell (by choice), where in i prefer to keep mum, and sit in silence. At times, i have the cursor on the screen blinking at me and me in turn blinking at the cursor as if we have nothing to say to each other and other times, thoughts in my stomach churning waiting to succumb to verbal diahhorea. And there are moments when one wants to flush out the stream of thoughts, feelings and emotions through writing.

In the midst of all the chaos of life, i have tried to pick up few things that i loved/love doing in my freetime. Reading is one of them. Once a voracious reader, i slowed down the reading train in the humdrum of daily life. I have started reading again, have read four books last month - bought some, borrowed some. But im catching up with my loooong 'Books to read' list.

The other day at a bookstore, i walked up to the arts and crafts section. The glossy pages of the craft books woke up the dormant creative person in me. I got back home to open my documents folder to see the prize certificates i had won at art competitions way back in school. I dug up my colors, brushes and board that day. They'l be in action soon. Feeling motivated, i picked up a needle, thread and some cloth and made a new sleak cover for my ipod, with the help of my mom. Oh, BTW - my artistic genes are the courtesy of my soooper talented mom. She still knits the most amazing sweaters and had made beautiful cushion covers, table mats and emroidered sarees for her trousseau.

Dancing is another passion that i have. Its difficult for me to abstain from dancing - be it a baraat, a party or even a nice dance number on TV. I took classical dance classes for about three years. And then because of studies and higher classes i left it.

Alwys wanted to learn a musical instrument too. Maybe the violin or the guitar. But it got restricted to table-tabla :P

With five days to go for 2009, i have made a resolution of sorts. Id keep my passion for art, dance and reading alive. Starting 2009, i intend to devote time to these activities and re-discovering the passion and penchant for these finer things in life.

Amen!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Indian Ocean @ Delhi

A cold winter evening! Hundered's of People! Fusion Music - Classical + Rock! Indian Ocean Concert organised by 48 degrees - a arts festival in Delhi. Indian Ocean drowned the crowds with their music, like the waves of the tsunami. The open air concert was fantabulous. Scheduled to start at 6pm, they started a lil late, but it was worth the wait. They played for 3 hours at a stretch with a five minute loo break.

They opened the concert with the song - Kya Maloom - a song that was dedicated to the Kargil War, followed by Ma Rewa - which was picked up for the Narmada Movement. Kandisa, Desert Rain, Jhini followed.

For finale, they played their first Hit, Bandeh - featured as the OST of movie - Black Friday. The crowds did not let them get off the stage, and we had fifteen minutes of a once more request of - Bandeh!

I had heard Indian Ocean songs on CD, but nothing beats the live concert. The atmosphere was amazing, the crowds shouting all along, moving along with the music. The songs gave me goosebumps. The vocals by Amit were great and equally good was Susmit Sen on Guitar. Nothing about appearance told, they were a rock band. Their songs do the talking for them. Their music is quite different, quite contemprary with a fusion of rock and classical, with a range of instruments - tabla, khamak, guitar, drums et al. Plain simple lyrics on earthy classical music, with a lil bit of Jazz thrown in it. Just the kind, that is soul-stirring.

Thouroughly enjoyed myself. Missed some people, who are totally into music - like me. Had they come, it would have been even more fun. They missed all of it ;)

Indian Ocean - You Rock!!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

The Seven Year Itch

Most people talk about the seven year itch. It may be seven months or four years into your relationship, before it starts itching. The emphasis is on the itch not the time when it occurs. So what do you do when it itches, start scratching rite??

When a relationship begins, partners cant get enough of each other, see no faults in others. As time goes by, ennui sets in. One starts criticizing the other for the flaws in the individual that were there all along. People are taken for granted. The novelty and charm of the new relationship is gone. The candle lit dinners, long walks, anniversary celebrations become a thing of the past. The monotony of life takes over. With little enthusiam in the air, dis-satisfaction with the current state of affairs sets in. Its like chewing gum, thats old and has lost its flavor and color and there's lil fun in chewing it.

I wonder, is the flame eternal or it needs to be re-fuelled to keep it burning. Im sure, sooner or later boredom would set in sooner or later, with anyone you have a relationship with. Contentment and Happiness is someting internal posted in a previous post - Completeness.

So what do you do other than scratching when it starts to itch? Breakoff with the old & Start of with some one more promising
OR
Indulge in an side-relationship (extramarital or two-timing) to get the thrill and excitement back into your life
OR
Re-invent yourself and the Relationship.

Its a story of - Different strokes for different folks. Any thoughts??

Monday, December 15, 2008

Staying Afloat

5 yrs back, at an amusement park, i jumped into a shallow pool. I explored more and started walking on the pool floor. Little i had known then, that a few pools have a slanting floor, making the pool deep at one end and shallow at the other. Found myself in unfamiliar territory. I did not know how to swim and obviously found myself crying for help, coz i was drowning. I gulped a lot of water, began kicking and splashing water, The faster i moved my hands and legs the deeper i went into water, struggling to stay afloat.

In life, at times, thats what you can find yourself in literally and figuratively speaking. Remember these simple things that will keep you afloat when the unknown strikes you.

- No one is responsible for your happiness except you. Its within.
- You cannot be successful without persistence. It takes persistence to win.
- If you want the reward, you must pay the price.
- Begin by giving what you want. You must sow in order to reap.
- If you were to change your script, you will get a different response.
- Keep your sense of humour and you will retain your power.
- Make your best effort. Atheletes train for 15yrs for a 20 second performance at championships.

Remember the tricks, and Stay Afloat. Enjoy ur swim in the ocean called life. India is perfectly poised to win the test, with tendulkar's much needed knock. Work for today is done, 1 hr before logoff time. Listening to John Denver - This old guitar - on my new ipod.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I want a Dog!...

...reads my status message on Gtalk and Facebook. And what varied responses i got for the status message -

Response 1 : You dont need a dog, You need a Man.
Response 2: Beta, ab shaadi karle.
Response 3: Kal ko tune haathi maanga to?
Response 4: Its time for you to settle down into marriage.
Response 5: Shaadi kyun nahi kar leti?

What surprises me is that 3 of 5 responses indicated marriage. Whats the analogy? But i see the logic now. Well im not equating men to dogs or otherwise.

Im the kind of person who thrives on attention and believes in touching and feeling. Hence, the talk of the dog. Pets thrive on attention too. So maybe me and my dog can be nice companions. Added benefits - It'l be there when i want to take a walk. After a bad day, someone to sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. Maybe i need someone whom i could pamper and cuddle and talk gibberish to. Maybe i want someone to run and greet me when i come from work. It'l keep me busy and happy too.

There is another part of me that doesnt want to keep a pet. Iv owned one once - a rabbit which i named 'QT'. You can be lazy to cook for self but not afford to skip a meal for the pet. I specially used to get carrot and cabbage for it, even in the unseasonal days from a market that was far from my place. QT even had a special bed, and acted pricy too - used to eat roti laced with ghee, if not she refused to eat. Marie Biscuits were part of standard monthly grocery list for QT. It was lovely to have QT around, completely took my mind off worries and tensions. QT died. It was a horrible time to deal with the loss of your pet that was the cynosure of your eyes for years. Mom and Me had decided not to keep a pet again coz it hurted a lot when QT was gone.

After 3yrs, im wanting to have a dog. Mom would need convincing on that. Dad hates pets. Bhai will be an ally. Yay!! Lets hope i get my dog soon. I have a name in mind too.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Little Miss Sunshine

Its starting to get cold in delhi, and foggy too. The shortening of days, lack of sunlight, gray skies makes me so lethargic and saps the energy out of me. The winter doldrums hit me hard. Sluggishly i do my chores and feel generally gloomy. A few lingering thoughts in your head too have a bearing on my mood. The harshness and barreness of the winters make me loathesome.

These days im fretting more, getting frustrated, crib and cry a lot without any particular reason. Sometimes for a reason. At times i just want to run as fast and far as i can till my last breath, feeling the cold on the face and finally fall down panting. Why? To stand still. Arent we all running to stand still in our own ways?

Winter Days are so perfect for a melancholy mood, contemplative silence and listening to a few personal fave sound tracks. And funny is the law of nature, winter co-incides with year ending and beginnings. Paranoia and anxiety rules the head. Maybe thats why the very cold nations have christmas to cheer people up with sweets and gifts and gettogethers. Warmth of people around can make you feel safe and comforted.

I need the sun to charge me up like Jadoo from Koi Mil Gaya, yearning for dhoooooooooppp. If the sun takes a day off, i try to brighten up my day by wearing bright(read jattack) colored pullovers or accessories or gorge on chocolate excess. I wore my multicolored muffler today the whole day in an attempt to give my mood some uplifting. It did its job well.

All this is not some piece of my infertile imagination. Not too worry, Im not going mad, there is a scientific term that explains the complexity of my feelings by a simple three word term called SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). SAD is making me SAD.

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Final Countdown

2008 comes to an end in another 30 days.Im exactly 26 yrs 5 months 1 week today. Talking of timespans - I hit the pause and felt as if life moved in the fast-forward mode this year, everything blurred as if one travelled in a very fast bullet train. How did the year fare for me? Should be clearer, in the rear view mirror. Rewind. Play in slow motion. Thats how it went -

Caution: Long Post Ahead!

January: New Year, New Resolutions and Personal New Beginnings. January was on a high note. High on enthusiasm, fresh and invigorating from one of the most memorable trip out of delhi. 5 people, 1 Car, 5000kms, 5 days, n number of cities covered on the roadtrip. Perfect Beginning to set the tempo for the rest of the year.

February: Still on the upper side of the wave. Travelling in the air. This time it was with family to the emerald isles in the Indian Ocean/Bay of Bengal. The pristine white sands and the clear tranquil waters of the beaches of Andamans is far from the maddening crowd of Delhi. February was quite significant, two of my bucket list items covered here - snorkelling under the coral reefs and visiting a white sand, blue water beaches and islands.

March: After a spending a bomb on the trip, it was back to being money concious. Plutus ruled the month. The month of money matters, Income tax savings, Proofs, Form 16's and what not. Shelling out a lakh for savings was although not difficult, but it spelled out - Tighten the purse strings for the rest of the year.

April: The month of socializing. Birthdays, Weddings, Engagements, Baby Announcements. Dad's Bday, S's Bday, M's Marriage, B's Engagement, S's wedding and so much more. On my toes, was the sport.

May: A not so good month. Part of it went into being insecure about my job. Found myself constantly fretting about my job, since my firm issued pink slips to about 300 people randomly. The other part went into organising and planning the college camping trip to tehri. My first Adventure Activity Trip where i did rapelling, river crossing et al.

June: My Birthday Month. :D Turned 26 on 24th. As always freinds and family hoped it was my last spinster bday. Doing pretty good for my age but worried about where i was going in and which way life is headed. Mid-Year. Mid-Life Crisis looms.

July: Studies and Leaves and Exams were the flavors of the month. The 6th sem exams spanned the whole month. The final dissertation, the minor projects, notes was all i lay my hands on. The last leg of the weekend MBA. Made all the efforts like the last slog overs in a one day match, to better my CGPA.

August: A new Project in the Investment Banking domain. Probably one of the very few good things that came my way in my entire career. Along with challenges came responsibilties. Was in the thick of soup briefly trying to create a niche for myself in the number crunching population at the new workplace.

September: Murphy's law was wanting to be proved. Just when i stepped into the Fin World, the industry went for a lunch break. The May-mayhem was back again. Firms shutting down, layoffs happening. The insecurity was coming back in bits - professionally and personally. I was fighting with self, and conflicts around me. Song of the Month - Wake me up, when september ends.

October: Just a routine month. Lots of going out, festivals, celebrations. A good month,id say. No news is good news, right.

November: Work, Work and Work was the only highlight this month. Working long hours, working on weekends. Its good to be workaholic for a month in any given year, specially around appraisals ;)

December: Wait and Watch. Well no, sitting on the sidelines. Il make sure the year ends well too, just on the note it started. The baton should be at a high when passed on to 2009.

The balance sheet shows green. Overall, with a few rough patches here and there, its been a good year. And good is good enough for me. :)

Bi-Bi 2008.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Mumbai, Thoughts and an Experiment

Almost a year back in December, i had been to Mumbai with a few friends for the first time and absolutely loved the city. And visited the Oberoi as well, although it was to use the loo at the hotel ;)

A year later on,the same city Mumbai and the same hotel - is in my thoughts again for a unhappy reason. Its been more than 40 hours, the NSG commandos and the Mumbai Police are fighting relentlessly to rescue people and catch hold of the terrorists. Its so disturbing and paralyzing. My heart goes out to the people of mumbai.

I cant help but wonder,What do the terrorists gain from it? Is India really a free country? Will it ever learn from the incidents? Will the politicians and government ever care for the common man's life?

And you, Mr Thackeray - tumi kuthe gele?? Where are you now?? when Mumbai and the nation needs to fight the real "outsiders". You couldnt save the Mumbaikers! The NSG's were not your local mumbaiya people - they were from up north or down south.

Forget the government and the politicians, do we care enough about the people around us.

Just five minutes back, i got a call from a friend in Blore with another customary inane question - How are you doing,Is Delhi fine? I responded as politely as i could - Thanks for your concern. I silently muttered, If I lay bloodied on the road, Would you pick me up, rush me to the hospital or rather worry about the upholstery of your car?

Stupid but Nagging thought - i wish i could run this lil experiment with all people i know, so i could know who to trash and who to keep.

Peace!

P.S. Thanks to few critics - the post is a updated with facts now.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Kite Runner

The book was recommended by a friend, and after sitting on the shelf for a few weeks, i finally laid my hands on the copy of the book i bought at a traffic signal. Its such a fabulous read.

The story is of a shia servant of a affluent Sunni Family in Afganistan in the early 80's. It is a heart warming story of two boys - Hassan and Amir and their relationship and their emotional challenges. The story weaves a medley of emotions - pain, pleasure, betrayal, loyalty, redemption, love, conceit, honesty, guilt - with such intensity and sensitivity - it makes you cry at numerous instances. So much so, the storyteller manages to strike just the right chords of the heart and leaves you speechless. It stirs your conscience and shakes you like the after tremors of an earthquake. It makes you totally involved in the characters and their journey. The climax, just as beautiful and satisfying like a fairytale. Go Read it!

Book: The KiteRunner
Author: Khaled Hosseni
Price: Rs 50 from the roadside vendor.
Tagline: There is a way to be good again.
Reading Experience: Priceless!
Warning: The KiteRunner may run you down.
My Fave line from the book: For you, a thousand times over...

Monday, November 17, 2008

The Week that was

Ha Ha...Surprisingly last week never came to an end for me. For the first time in my career of more than 4 yrs, i worked on a weekend. Saturday and Sunday included. My effort sheet boasted of 60 hours, 20 extra hours than normal. I havent worked so much since the Annual Enrollment Period in my previous firm. Thankfully i got some appreciation from my leads, and a compensatory off on a weekday too. But no overtime. No cash, but there have been things to take back and smile about from working that much. The experience of a 7 day work week isnt as bad as it reads. Infact i should call it a 12 day week. Chutti is far, today being monday.

Struggled to take out some time for myself, my routine chores and keep my social commitments too. Felt nice to be busy for a change, and not worry about trivial things. Had a sound sleep at the end of the day coz i was tired. Sometimes, I used to wonder, feeling weak at times when my friends worked long hours and weekends too, that i will not be able to sustain such work routines. Im immensely happy, i proved myself wrong. Now, I know i can deliver when the pressure and expectations are high at work. Quite a satisfying week it has been, im aware that i did a good job, and my leads can count on me. Personally, it has boosted my confidence to make ends meet, when odds are high. Never thought work could be such a source of contentment.
And what surprises me most was, i did not suffer from the usual monday morning blues. Im lovin it :)

And, if its a co-incidence - that you're reading this and you're my boss, i dont mean i want more work to do. I have enough on my plate :D

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Its only words

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me


All we learnt in childhood may not be true. Well, atleast not for me. There are times when people say things to you, without actually sparing a thought how severe the impact can be. More trouble dealing with words, when they come from people so close to your heart. A fit of anger it may be or a simple wrong choice of words can put us into deep thought into the hows and whys of it. Words go a long way in mending broken walls and causing dents in otherwise strong friendships.

We're courteous with strangers. Saying sorry to someone you stepped on in the elevator and thankyou to the courier boy is effortless. And, when it comes to our closest relationships, thankyou's are absent, the sorry's get lost in the ego battles. Ironical, it is.

I wouldnt care a dime, if someone on the street messed with me, will probably just ignore it. We all ignore the comments from people that dont matter much. And people who do matter already know the good, the bad and the ugly about you. We all have shades of grey - nothing is black or white. Then why black is all people see. A Classic example of Selective Perception. And thats what makes them say things to you that hurt.

Friends may call their mockery as part of their jovial nature, but somewhere they need to know how much is enough. How much mockery and insensitive jibes by friends can you sustain. The other side of the problem is - its a difficult test to know which words to just let go off and smile, and which ones to cling to and feel bad about. Toss a coin anyone?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Sick Leave

A lot of colleagues envy me and are ready to trade jobs with me. Im not at all busy even when im at work. I have lots of time, but nothing to do, nor do i feel like doing anything, eventhough there is so much people suggest i can do with so much time at hand.

My boss knows i dont have work, have asked for it too. Too much work and No work can leave you equally bored.

I have 6 sick leaves left unutilized in my kitty for this calender year, and i think i should use them up. Not sick, but sick of work (read no work). Now, thats a valid reason, right?

Forecast for next few days: Im may fall sick. My boss is going to recieve some communication by phone. Smooth, work-free week ahead.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

O Priya-aa-aa-aaaa!!

"Soak it in! Soak it in" - I could hear myself say as i walked down the Priya Complex. Man, it had been ages since i stepped into those lanes again. Priyas was the undisputed place to hangout during my school and college days. There was so much nostalgia in the air. Each little nook and corner brought back memories as old as 15yrs back. Jurassic Park in 1993 was the first movie i saw at Priyas. Gosh! I was a class 5 student then, a 11 year old, now im more than double that number in age. The Priyas Connection is that old, it definitely brings smiles thinking of small lil things.

- Parking in the CBI colony taking a random house num to skip paying parking.
- The Archies Gallery still has the best of cards, gifts and stationery.
- The party at Pizza Hut was our then Five Star Place.
- The street vendors selling books has been replaced by shady cloth shops.
- The oxidised silver-black trinkets,earings, rings i so many times bought.
- The good-old-nirulas and the defunct-fountain where the colg gang once used to sit and watch the crowds, is still there and still doesnt work.
- Standing in lines to get 7 and 11 rupee front row tickets of so many first day first shows at Priyas.
- The small paan/cigarette corner that was our bag/books shelter while we watched our movie still stands there, but fancier now.
- The videogame sessions at Future Zone, buying tokens for 10 rupees. It no longer exists. A new pub has opened in its place. RPM has taken its place.
- The DTC bus number 620 me, S, V and P used to get back home from priyas. The new 620 bus number is a swanky green low floor one.
- Turquoise Cottage has moved to VV from Qutub Area.
- The crowd is at its trendiest and whackiest.

A movie at Priyas, tepanyaki dinner at Kylin Lounge, Good Crowd and excellent company - all that made my evening for sure with so much to bring back home! Kuch bhi ho - Priyas is Priyas afterall.

P.S. The title is a song from a bollwood movie!!

Monday, October 20, 2008

To moon and back

3:35 PM: Having settled down into seat 22 of my train bogie, I read 'ISRO is planning a trip to the moon' in the morning newspaper folded and stacked in front of my seat, looking outside and waving to my cousin, returning to home turf. A khichdi of thoughts in my head,id say. Thought of sorting them out one by one and keying in this one using my phone :). Im sad,that the fun filled extended weekend has come to an end and il be back to mundane life. But happy, a totally spontaneous and unplanned trip,but a totally a well deserved break for me.

Reason for the trip: New Addition to our extended family. My paternal grandmother is a great grandmother now. My cousin was blessed with a son.So there was a small gettogether, nothing fancy. But, hey - there is abosolutely no cost of celebration. Visiting my cousins after 2 yrs was a bliss. The mere tag of 'dilli wali didi' feels like a 'Miss World' title. People in lucknow actually brag if they have relatives in Delhi/Mumbai.Being abroad is a big big deal. Yeah Yeah, lucknow is still a small town trying to come up to a metro level. But there are something delhi definitely misses. The culture.

Add-ons: The evenings went into enjoying the walks in Aminabad and Hazratganj in the old city charm, savouring the local food - the tunde ke kabab, lassi in a kulhad, the batashe(golgappe) filled with dahi, the tonga ride, the harley davidson shared tempos, the meetha paan at chowk, malai pedas, the phapdhas(plz dont ask me wats tht),Ram laddus and so much more.

Extra Baggage: Lucknow is the place if you want to buy the summerish chikan emroidered saree/suits and kurtis. My shopping for summer collection for 2009 began from lucknow :) And 1 plate of packed Dum Pukht Biryani as per my neighbours request.

Enough texting, I better enjoy the frooti now, another 6 hours of chuk-chukking towards home. I think the auntie sitting next to me wants to start small talk.

See You Delhi..Here i come :)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

A dogs life!

Leaving the house in the morning, dressed in clothes that you bought on credit card, for work, driving through the traffic in a car that you are still paying for, putting in petrol that you cannot afford, in order to get to the job that you hate but need so badly so that you can pay for the clothes, car, petrol and the house that you leave empty the whole day, in order to live in it. (Courtesy - A random email)

Funny and ironic, aint-it?

Sunday, October 12, 2008

C'est la vie! Sa Guerre!

Well yes when the going gets tough and life throws lemons at you, there is little you can tell yourself to keep your head from spinning in a whirlwind. Even tears failed me this time. Just when i thought there was nothing that could cheer me up, a french song came to my mind, i had learnt when i was taking french classes way back in school - C'est la vie! Sa Guerre! (This is life, Its war!). Thank heavens, there was something on this earth that could infuse some positivity into my life. And who cares, if its in Zulu or Swahili or French. As long as i get the drift.

Life is a new fight everyday. From getting up in the morning,to catching the bus everymorning, to get work done and meet your own expectations. Sometimes people fail you, at other times you fail people. And with each new day, comes new challenges and new peaks to scale. An ongoing war it is, each day little by little. All but 24 hours. A day is never going to have one minute more or lesser than that - no matter how long a day seems when you're low or how quickly the day ends when its been a good one for you.

Sometimes, the only solution to a problem is to go through it rather than skirting around it. I guess most of us are in the insecure phase of our postered lives. Juggling the eggs, and dropping one or more eggs will often result in a mess. But, you’ve got to keep going through it, till you learn the lesson :) Patience and Perseverance are the keys.

Me to Life: Bring it on! Its war time to make peace ;)

Life to Me: In winter, when the fields are white,I sing this song for your delight. In spring, when woods are getting green, I'll try and tell you what I mean; In summer, when the days are long, Perhaps you'll understand the song. - (Lewis Carroll)

Bonne Nuit!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Feeling Bleah

Why are all my single friends not in delhi :(
A few words of appreciation is all i need :)
Its my brother's bday today, but we cant celebrate, he's not here :(
I need to do more shopping for diwali :D
I just hope i can get out of this seat soon, lots of work to do :(
Im hungry and craving for veg chopsuey :(
I had 2 cups of lemon tea, it keeps me awake :/
Im trying to stay calm and keep my anxiety in check :/
Im feeling hopeless rightnow :o
I want to crawl into my bed into my mom's lap to be pampered :)
I need a break from everyday routine. Maybe i should pack my bag and go on a trek. :?
Do i fit into this world at all =(
A whole lot of laundry to be done this weekend :/
I wish it was my bday today, so that i could be on cloud nine to get so many calls ;)
Hopefully there is something nice on TV today :|
Maybe i need to make new random friends :?
I need to keep my head and spirits high :)
Fridays should not feel this way :/
'Bleah' is such a nice word. It says it all. im feeling bleah today.

And now i have to get back to work :O
10 mins break is up :(

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Wedding Bells and more

The Navratras are going on, not that im very religious or something, but its supposed to augur well for people. And so, it seems to be having its effect. S just broke the news to me that she is getting married on 19th November of this year, then it was P's call that made me real happy. P is 2 weeks pregnant. :)

On the other hand, F is already managing a handful of kids, A and M will be soon trying to have a baby. Another friend S is expecting her baby in December and B is busy shopping for his wedding in December.

Just feels a little odd at times being single when most of your friend circle and peers are settling into life, starting a family or getting married. Chit-chatting about movies, food, shopping, clothes, girls, guys is passe. These things dont interest them anymore. Its given way to more serious conversations about life - expenses, bills, grocery, husbands, wives, babies, responsibility. And to these topics I have little to contribute to these talks from my end. Ggrrrrrr!! Puts me in a tight spot. I find myself doing the trapeze act of walking a tight rope, talking about a place im not there yet and a spot my friends have left behind.

Although the number of relationships with people is increasing in the process of friends getting married and having kids, the circle of friends is shrinking - they getting busy with their own new found lives. Not just friends even cousins my age are getting married. Im not getting any younger by the day, and i feel the time to settle down with life is nearing. Soon,il be moving out of the mid-20's clan.

A little voice in my head says - Bide your time and stand in line to wait for your turn, sweetie! All in due time!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Completeness

Currently reading a book called 'Still Life With Woodpecker' by Tom Robbins. A great passage from the book - sharing for a wider audience.

When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on–series polygamy–until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Get a Life!

Just finished watching, 'One life to love' - a show on NDTV Good Times. A good philanthropic show, equally good is the host Simran Bhargava. She signed off by quoting 'Never get so busy making a living that you forget to live'.

Its been doing rounds in my head since then, and here i am succumbing to verbal diahhorea. Ive seen a few people working so hard round the clock, that they've compromised on sleep, life , TV, meeting friends etc. Remember that email about 5 balls, that had the conclusion that work is a rubber ball, you drop it, it'l bounce back. But life, friends, family and spirit wont. And these 4 balls are most dropped, ignored and kicked.

Work seems to be ruling our lives and defining us. As soon as we meet someone, we ask 'What do you do?'. Work has become the centre of the universe for us,and like a blackhole its slowly pulling us into it. Impending Deadlines and piles of deliverables is all we worry about. But somewhere in the background, there is a larger picture of life, that beckons us.

Slow down, i tell to myself. Its a long race and i do not want to burn out the midnight oil!! Afterall, All work and no play, makes jack a dull boy!

Will hit the sack now. Good Night. And Mornin to the folks on the other side of the world! And you hardworkers toiling at workplace at midnight- Take a break!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Wall Caves in...

The wall seems to be crumbling and caving in. Started with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Then Merill Lynch, Lehman Brothers, AIG followed suit. These giants went down like a pack of cards, some have been lucky to get the rescuers in time.

Even the greatest minds at Wall Street and Fed may not know what will happen next. What consumers can expect going forward is a question mark.

As the news spread like wild fire, it had an impact on the share market also. All the major indices went spiralling downwards. All my investments in stocks are in red. :((

The whole series of events just makes me feel how vulnerable everything is. If giants like these face such setbacks, the common man should have little to complain. I guess larger the height you're at, bigger the fall is and a greater risk too, and ofcourse it will have more impact. Being average is not that bad. I have a good academic record and a decent job (nothing that i can boast of), but it does make me feel secure.

Fresh graduates from top B-schools, who dream of working with these big names at Wall street, may need to alter their dreams. These companies are top recruiters, and offer huge salaries and lucrative roles. These elite institutions have taken a hit on their placements.

My friend Sambuddho rightfully said to me in a casual convo around this, that our education cannot be contingent on the availablility of wall street jobs. Education should give freedom not a sense of anxiety of some wall street companies crashing.

The inflation every where is an all time high. The jobs are drying up in the market. Stock Markets are going down. Major financial institutions reporting losses. I wonder are we on the brink of having another Great Depression after 78 years?

Monday, September 15, 2008

I wonder...

I wonder, what really feeds the ego of a man more and makes him feel like the greatest man alive!

Having a woman around who cares for and loves him and his ability to squish her away like a mosquito by his reckless, aggressive and brash macho behaviour...

OR

Having a woman around who cares for and loves him and his ability to be compassionate and sensitive and make a woman feel loved,respected and secure in his arms...

Thursday, September 11, 2008

9/11

In memory of all the victims of 9/11

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more....

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say " I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.....

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be ther to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say " I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our " Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, hug, or a kiss
and you were to busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them you'll alway hold them dear

Take time to say " I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or " It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.


R.I.P.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Now is the time - Rock on!

rock on!! hai ye waqt ka ishaara
rock on!! har lamha pukaara
rock on!! yuheen dekhta hai kya tu
rock on!! zindagi milegi na dubaara


Time and tide wait for no one, then why should we? Being active is living. When you feel the universe is conspiring against you, taking the wait and watch attitude is the worst thing one could do. It will only let the situation get the better of you. Life will just pass by if you just wait and watch and not even realize when that opportunity to be happy beckons on the door. We are sometimes so lost in playing the watchdog game that we spoil even the present. Its like taking a train journey and not wanting to get down to enjoy the place in front of you thinking, a better place awaits you. Life will just pass by little by little at each station you did not stop at. Eventually, you only realize you are losing out the very time you could have enjoyed. Live the present to the fullest, coz that is what makes your past and the future.

Dont watch life go by, by waiting at the sidelines. Get to the centerstage and get going. Live the life you want to live. Accept what you have, do what is required. Give life your best shot. Afterall when the input isnt good enough, complaining about the outcome is stupid. Get going! Wanna do something - do it now. Now is the time!!! Rock on!!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

10 things you dont know about me

#1 I hate wearing socks. This is why I wear sandals most of the year, even through the freezing winters.

#2 I refuse to part with things that have been unused for ages. You'l also find a few of my slippers in totally unwearable condition. Yes, i am the very definition of a kabadi.

#3 I have been part of frisking a small painting from the college stairway. Although, it wasnt my idea and it wasnt me who took that thing off the wall. But my huge jhola type bag gave refuge to the painting.

#4 Its been 10 yrs, since i partially drowned in a kids pool and i promised my self that il learn to swim. That day is yet to arrive. I loveee procrastinating.

#5 I am an obsessive-compulsive talker. I just go on and on. I believe, if i dont speak 2,000,000,000 words a day, id die. :D

#6 I have once managed to set the pressing iron on fire, by making use of my physics and electronics fundamentals studied at school. My physics teacher would be really proud of me!

#7 I love street food. I would anyday prefer a road side chole kulche or gol gappe over a nicely tossed pasta at a posh restaurant. Well, actually after im done with the street food, i will have the pasta. :D P.S. - No, im not FAT.

#8 I haggle a lot with the riksha/auto walla or a grocery vendor.Thats a form of art, i thin few have mastered. Sometimes i feel, i end up making CP>SP (i hope u remember ur elementary school maths).

#9 I have a very retentive memory. Just like the old chacha choudhary jinka dimaag computer se bhi tez chalta hai.

#10 I could tell atleast 10 more things peole dont know about me.

Tagging Forced_Ambitions, Sumukh to spill out some beans.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Celebrating Life

Last weekend was a big celebration. It made me richer, along with additions to my ever increasing inventory of clothes and my face has a new pimple (thats liking its place, n refuses to go away) :(( All thanks to the sweets and Cadbury Celebrations Chocolates that have become a mandatory gift on Rakhi ever since the promos on TV.

And a few cuts on my fingers, coz of holding the maanja for kiteflying. Joined my brother and his friends on the terrace. Maine patang udai :) on 15th August after 8 yrs i guess. Didnt care about the sun that would tan me or the lil rain that could spoil my hair. It was madness. It was childish. Shouted when we kaat-oed and bo-ed a kite. I remember, as a kid i have even run after kites and tried to get hold of a kite that was entangled in the TV antenna in my 4th floor balcony. I was too fearless or shall i say i took more risks. I want to be safe now. Dont want to take a risk. Does that reduce my chances of being content and happy?

Running after a 50p kite (back then), now seems like a very stupid thing to do when im earning in tens of thousands. The sense of achievement and joy i got after getting hold of the kite, despite fierce competetion between guys, that often ended in kites being torn is something is hard to get today. Someone said it right, joy lies in the simple things in life. Some things money cant buy. For everything else theres Mastercard. And that too of many banks.

Oprah said on one of her shows 'The more you celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.' Iv decided to celebrate the smallest of the good things that happen to me each day.

Have rewarded myself with a brownie and chocolate sauce, on clearing 5 gruelling rounds of interview for the next project. I still havn't bagged it, but it didnt stop me from celebrating my small success alone. I wish i get through the last interview from London or the other project based in Canada.

Wish me luck! and Cheers to life!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Quarter Life Crisis

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

- Unknown Author

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Language of Love

I am a big fan of the ghazals and sher-o-shayari or maybe im a fan of Urdu. Afterall, having parental roots from the city of nawabs 'lucknow', it was inevitable. A very common joke 'Pehle Aap, Pehle Aap mein gaadi nikal jati hai' tells how graceful Urdu is.

All languages convey a culture but, perhaps, no other language does this better than Urdu. The Punjabi brashness expresses in the crude swear words of its language; French,Italian or Latin can barely convey the depths of arts of the victorian era But Urdu... even the sighs of this beautiful language seem to encompass the courtly graces of Islamic-Indian culture which flourished in Awadh.

Urdu is the language of romance; it is the language of poetry, of diplomacy. I can’t help think that any language could be more poetic. Even a mere asking for introduction is called 'Aapki Taareef?'

When i listen to the ghazals, the longing and depth in the lyrics can anyday beat the mushiest Valentine's Day Card. Urdu is such an intense language - expresses the love,angst,betrayal of an hopeless romantic.

Here are a few couplets from Ghalib -

Dil na umid to nahi, nakam hi to hai,
Lambi hai gam ki shyam magar, shyam hi to hai.

Jis ki awaaz main salwat hoo nigahon main shikan
Aaisee tasveer ke tukde nahi joda karte

Yeh mere aasu jinhe koi pochne wala bhi nahi,
Koi aanchal enhe milta to sitare hote.

Taalim nahi di jaati parindo ko udaano ki,
Woh to khud hi samajh jaate hain oonchaai aasmano ki

Girte hai sahe sawaar hi maidan e jung mein
Wo tilf kya girenge jo ghutno ke bal chale

Saamne hai jo use log bura kehte hain
Jisko dekha hi nahi, usko khuda kehte hain

Poetically yours
Faded Glory

Monday, July 7, 2008

Blowing the blues away

Its been raining since yesterday, with a lovely breeze. It leaves me with a great feeling when you open up your eyes in the morning and find the skies pouring down. I can spend hours watching the raindrops fall. Rain i know is a good omen.

I had my last official MBA class last evening and we all went out to party. Albeit the reason of the party is another story. After deciding a lot, we finally went to a place called Blues.

The minute you enter the place the cozy feeling engulfs you. The dim lights make you even more comfortable. The music is although loud to have a conversation, is good and if you're lucky enough you might just get some karaoke with nice music. Last but not the least, i was enjoying my fave - paneer tikka :)

Do i luv this place or Do i luv this place! *smooch smooch*

I had a great evening, snacking and singing aloud, songs i had not listened to in a long time. I should do these visits more often. The weeknd MBA had left me with lesser time to spend time leisurely. Now that the MBA is over, and my weekends will be free, i plan to catch up with all the things that i missed in these 2 yrs of MBA.

More rain in the evening while going back home. An evening spent nicely. The feel good thing has carried over today.....

The wind’s gonna rise and blow my blues away,
The rain's gonna come and wash my blues away,
I'm gonna throw my shoes away,
The sun’s gonna shine in my back door evryday! (although i would prefer rain)

Good times are just round the corner, I will happen to good things now onwards...LOL

Things i want to do this week-
1. Watch Jane Tu ya Jaane Na.
2. Go to my colg time fave hang out place - Big Chill@ Khan Market

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Psychologies

Ive been tagged to answer these random questions. So here are my answers.

Q1) What do you miss most about childhood ?
A1) I miss the carefree attitude. Back then,i did not have to plan for ahead. No desires, no goals, no targets, no responsibilties. Easy going life with little to worry about.

Q2) What makes you glad that you're at this age.
A2) Today i am financially independent. I can take my decisions and am no longer dependent on anyone to do anything for me.

Q3) What kind of people repel you?
A3) People who do not confront situations and take the easy way out. People who are self-centered. I do not like people who are too much into how you look and what you wear.

Q4) What is the biggest dilemma you have faced?
A4) The classical head Vs heart dilemma, where it has pulled me apart in different directions. And im still wondering, who is right?

Q5) So what do you think of marriage now?
A5) Marriage is hard work and one needs to step into it only when one is ready to give it all it needs, to make it work. Nothing works on its own, even a cell phone needs to be charged everyday for it to work.

Q6) So would you prefer a live-in relationship to marriage?
A6) A 100% NO.

Q7) What would you change about yourself?
A7) I cling to things and push myself too far at times. I'd like to really change these things about myself.

Q8) What do you think of the Indian youth?
A8) I think the Indian youth today is living a life beyond their means. I feel they have a false sense of what life is. They know the cost of evrything but the value of nothing.

Q9) What about the man-woman divide?
A9) In rural areas, i guess it exists but it does not matter. Women rarely think of empowerment in those areas. In the urban areas, this gap has been bridged.

Q10) So you think women are less empowered?
A10) No, Women are no way less empowered. Women underplay their intelligence and showing her weakness is where a woman’s greatest strength lies.

Q11) What would you never change about yourself?
A11) Thinking limitlessly and the fact that i have no ego at all.

Do not want to tag anyone, but anyone who reads this post should try to answer these questions and put them in words...written not spoken.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Dial M for Music!

Since iv been tagged, here's whats on my playlist -

1. Khamaj by Fuzon - Lovely song, the music is simply soothing. One of those slow songs that pep you up.

2. Na Jaane Kyun by Strings, the OST for spiderman. This song is addictive. Kyun so gayi shaamein,Kat na saki raatein

3. Affirmation by Savage Garden, Power packed lyrics. Some of them are - I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands, I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem, I believe the sun should never set upon an argument

4. Tujhse Naraaz nahi Zindagi (Masoom) - Jeenay kay liyeh, Socha hi nahi,Dard sambhaalnay hongay,Muskuraai to, Muskuraan kay Qarz utaarnay hongay Muskuraaon kabhi To lagta hai Jaisay honto par Qarz rakha haiy Absolute rocker this song is!!

5. When you say nothing at all by Ronan Keating - You say it best, when you say nothing at all. So im not going to say anything about this song. Hear it!

6. Dont talk to him by Cliff Richards - An absolute classic. This is how the lyrics go. If some guy tells you I don’t care, And tells you lies while I’m not there, Don’t talk to him, If you hear the words he has to say, He’ll break your heart.

7. Time of your life by Green Day - I guess i would be lost without this song. Another turning point;a fork stuck in the road.Time grabs you by the wrist; directs you where to go.So make the best of this test and don't ask why.It's not a questionbut a lesson learned in time.

There are so many more on my playlist...il get back to enjoying the music!! and some work!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Damn! Its best to shut up!

Its best to shut-up instead of speaking you heart and mind out. Its sometimes like throwing stones in the vacuum. Whatever you have to say just does not matter.

Instance #1: Earlier this week, my firm fired 150 odd people. In the open house QnA session, a lot of questions were asked. The management gave only shady reasons. The best one was - We do not want to hold back people from the opportunities available elsewhere.

Moral of the Story - "Diplomacy is thinking twice before saying nothing"


Instance #2: My Team Lead is a biased person. No matter how well you do, or how excellent a job you have done, the acknowledgement is NIL. Another team member is supported even if he calls red as yellow. Try raising your voice or being pro-active by giving your opinion, no point.

Moral of the Story - "Fighting with you boss is like fighting with a pig. You realise you're just getting dirty, while the pig is enjoying."

Instance #3: Speaking about your feelings and letting the other person know about their importance in your life, you are taken for a ride. If you raise your voice, you get a blow-hot-blow-cold treatment. It simply does not affect them a bit and they can be non-chalant.

Moral of the Story - "Keep your cards close to your chest"

Bottomline: Its best to shut up. Period.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

This Day Last Year

This day last year, i walked into unfamiliar territory having a sea of unfamiliar faces. Today, I completed one year at my present organisation with no raise yet. Of the 13 people who joined the company last year, only 3 are still there. Pretty poor stats. I guess there's a trend i dint fit into. Anywys, Happy Anniversary to me!!

The firm i work for even discontinued the anniversary gift programme just a week back owing to cost-optimization (read cost-cutting). I was so looking forward to the nice gifts i had been eyeing for long. Instead there was an e-card in my inbox saying 'Congratulations!'.

When i look back now, time has passed by swiftly. So much has changed since then. I know things will never be the same, still i wonder how things would have been if i hadnt taken up this new job. The last one year has been a like a sine wave. There have been quite a few who have been with me through this roller coster ride. Thanks to all of them for being there. Life will be nicer if they still be there through each coming year.

P.S. Do only machines and women remember dates?

Monday, April 28, 2008

It hurts!

Everyone likes to hear good things that make you smile.But what when you hear something earth-shattering that shakes your existence. Everyone deserves to be loved and respected.

When you are with someone who claims that they love you but is constantly belittling you, calling you names, telling you what a needy, insecure drama queen you are, and that you're the reason everything goes wrong, when all you do is ask to be loved in return. At that very minute, i just feel like taking to my heels, slam it accross to the their face, everytime something nasty comes out of their mouths.

Disrespect bleeds over into everything else. Jokes that aren’t that funny, making fun of appearance, of wants and needs – these are disrespect at it’s most horrible. Cursing for everything going wrong.

I feel if someone disrespects you, then probably you are not significant enough in their lives or else they would never hurt you by saying things that hurt so much. If you stand your ground, confront each occurrence, “That hurts” or “That isn’t funny to me” should be enough for a the individual to learn from.

If the person is untrainable or claims thats how the person is – that is disrespect. The person doesn’t feel you have enough status in their lives that they needs to worry about your feelings, your values. ‘Taking for granted’ is disrespect.

Will leave you with a wonderful quote from fiends, Rachel says to Ross, when he makes a list of pro's and con's of being with Rachel - "Imagine the worst things you think about yourself, how would you feel if the one person who you trusted the most in the world, not only thinks them too, but also uses them as the reasons not to be with you"

Heavy Duty quote!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Is it me?

The other day while getting ready for a friend's wedding, i gave myself a closer look in the mirror and I didn’t like what I saw! I didnt see myself. I saw a confused mind! And I could hear myself saying “This isn’t me”. When did I lose my way?!

These days when i just lie down to sleep, a million thoughts crisscross my mind at the speed of light, bombarding my mind. It’s very strange how the life you always wanted to live flushes down the toilet! I mean every thing is awry and entangled. Seriously I’m running out of room in my head. It’s like I’m looking for a safe place in a not so safe world!

I lay still for hours. Every few minutes i looked into my cell phone, the clock ticked, but time did not pass! I’m trying to have an explanation for all this. I still go to bed every night going over every single detail and wonder what is wrong? Did I read the wrong signals?

I feel like torn into into little pieces and falling evrywhere. I need to pick them up myself and move on. I need to be fixed.

Where are you, Mr. Fix-it?

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Operation Chappal

The minute i stepped out of the elevator and took a step towards my floor where my workstation is, i felt my something loosening. To my horror, one of the straps of my slippers gave away. It was really difficult to manage my walk, not to let my limping be so promininent, wanted to save myself from the embarrasment of broken footwear.

R sits next to me and understood what was wrong the minute i sat. R offered to fix it using office stationery. R is a guy, it was nice of him to step in. Then operation chappal began.

While R worked on my slipper meticulously, i was busy telling my friends on Gtalk about my slipper. Believe me such innovative ideas came up and thus started a debate with S, which is another story il tell later. Dunno what fun i was having talking about my broken slipper to people, i even mentioned it in my routine morning conference call with the client telling how the code broke in functionality last night and my slipper that broke this morning. Bad people, they could have ended the call earlier, sympathazing with the calamity i faced this morning. :P

A call,few board pins, staples, tape strips and quickfix later, my slipper was fixed. I was happier than probably cindrella would have been to get her slipper back.

Men are lucky in this regard, they hardly ever have to face the malfunction of wardrobe or footwear other than the occaisional fly left open :P

Hope to survive the day today!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Home Alone

My folks are outta town for their final pilgrimage destination, and im home alone but far from the fun Kevin McCallister had. For the unititiated, Kevin McCallister is macaulay culkin's character in the home alone series.Now plz dont ask me who is he?

Getting up early to make breakfast, getting milk, boiling it and so many small things iv been doing. I then run to catch my cab. Work at office. Then get back home to do more cooking for dinner and other sidey household chores. This is how my days have been for the last 3 days and will continue for another 5 days. Ouch! I wonder if il survive this routine.

Wonder how my mom does evrything without complaining one bit and keeps smiling all the time.

Literally forced myself to get up and get going today morning.Am sinking into my chair right now, with stretched legs and yawning every minute, yes i am tired and sleepy and exhausted. Have a long day ahead and loads of work to do. Its only 9:30 AM, and i feel i have already over-used the energy quota for today.

My Wishlist for today -
#1 I want to take a nap, right here right now
#2 I want my mommy to get back home sooner
#3 Dine outside

Trivia -
#1 Home Alone 5 is under production, and will be released in December 2008.
#2 There are 4 dhaam's for hindu pilgrimage, Dwarka in Gujrat, Badrinath/Kedarnath, Rameshwaram and JagannathPuri

B4N

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Hope Against Hope

'Everybody's got a hold on hope, It's the last thing that's holding me.....'

Lines from the song 'Hold on Hope', im listening to right now...somehow makes me realize how we all cling to a hope, for some miracle to happen to turn things our way. There are certain things that you have no control over, and they sort out with time.

Why is that we still want to give time to things when the gut feeling contradicts it.Yet you find yourself so helpless at times. Maybe because we dont want to regret later that we gave up, when hanging in there for a little while could have made things better. After all when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Im clinging to a hope, that i might be able to get what i want, despite the odds. Im playing the waiting game but dont know what the outcome will be.

Im just like a passive player in a football ground. Have run around the ball a lot and am tired of doing that. Standing still for the ball to come my way. Yet im not leaving the field, dont want to quit. Then what am i doing in the field? I wonder....

That my friend, is hoping against hope!

Next song on the playlist, 'Time of your Life' by Green Day...

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life

Monday, March 10, 2008

Of the non-living bed bugs!

I recently read an article about how technology is invading our bedrooms. The article mentions how most of us interact with technological gadgets in the last moments before we sleep. It had a startling fact '20% of the people surveyed have checked social networking sites like Facebook, Orkut, Chatted online, played computer games or listened to MP3 players between the sheets just before sleeping.'

Most of us follow the same trend. The web is a place where people can find a comforting ear. Whatever the reasons for being unhappy, the internet can become a tempting distraction from the problems in life, heartache and the hassle of tackling relationship problems.

These non living bed-bugs are affecting our lives in a big way - sleep patterns get altered, we deny our bodies the rest it needs to re-charge for the next day. Between all these things, unknowingly our relationships are being hit. Ideally when one retires at the end of the day, it should be the time to assess the day , spend some time with self or to talk to one's partner. The bedroom should be the place to spend good quality time. That the time to bond before turning the lights off and calling it a day.

Technology makes it easier than ever to stay in touch these days, but can make it difficult to stay connected to our relationships.Ultimately its the relationships that matter to us.

This weekend, i re-arranged my bedroom. Other than the electricity points, all gadgets - my laptop, radio set, a pile of Cd's,phone have been kicked out. Books have taken their place. Some fiction. Some textbooks. That reminds me of the MBA exams i have from next week and the syllabus i dont know :(

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Little things that matter much

As it stands, our closest relationships invlove a lot of truth telling and lying. Truth is hard to accept and so are lies. What makes a person bend a certain fact, a fact that might not even matter. However, the lying definitely matters. It can ruin a relationship and the mutual trust, giving room for suspicion and doubt to spring.

It drives me crazy sometimes to think about how deception is creeping into our lives. How shallow statements like 'I would never lie to you' have become. There are times when you want to confront people with their lies, its not the truth that you want to know, but why the person lied about something so trivial. What people do is continue covering up, repeating the same lie even when the truth is all there staring in your face.

The person who shares his/her deepest thoughts, darkest secrets, random nitty-gritties of the day, is the same person who also lies to you about stupid things that do not matter. You happen to come to terms with a lie, and bang there is one more put accross your path.

Will the truths of today become lies of tomorrow? How many times can one forget or forgive? Why lie, when telling the truth will be accepted? Are some of us leading dual lives?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Everyday Humour

Random incidents that make my life seem not so mundane.

5:30 in the evening, I was hungry, went down to the food court to grab a bite at mcdonald's. I asked for 1 McVeggie with extra cheese. The person on the other side of the counter, smiled and asked, if i wanted 2 slices of cheese. Fine im thin, should eat more but 2 slices of extra cheese?? What the heck?? Stupid question...but i was smiling none the less.

Shopping at a market for juttis/Mojri's. While waiting for my size of the jutti, was discussing layoff's in TCS. The shopkeeper jumped into the discussion giving his views. As it turned out to be, the shopkeeper was a TCS employee working amidst 1000's of juttis in a crowded shop trying to sell them. We were stunned to see the IT pro + shopkeeper combo!

I had to speak to a colleague so pinged her to ask for the ext # on the office IM, she gave me a 4 digit #. My poor fingers so used to hitting keys on the keyboard for majority of the day, keyed in the 4 digit num on the numeric keypad of the keyboard, rather than the keypad of phone on my desk. Talk about occupational hazards!

7:55 am on a weekday, while travelling to work, a new pick-up was added in the cab roster. It was a female. We managed to reach the address in the roster, it was a PG. A girl stood there, she asked if it was route # C1, we replied yes and she boarded the cab. A few kms down the road she suddenly asked, if it was the company X's cab. And we replied, 'No'. We are going to Company Y. Obviously it was the height of co-incidence and stupidity together.

Life is strange and anything and everything can happen. One of my favorite quotes is 'Life is what happens to you when you are busy doing something else.' Well this quote makes me want to write more....but will do that in the next post :D

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Toll takes a toll!

Finally after a long wait and speculation, missed deadlines, land aquisition tussles,VIP's time crunch, decisions on the toll charges the 32 lane toll plaza and Delhi-Gurgaon expressway was opened to public two days back.

Not everyone is a Ratan Tata who delivered what was promised. NHAI and DS contructions certainly dont believe in it. The 15 min drive from Delhi to Gurgaon is far from reality. After all the hullaboo around it has given commuters(me being one) a harried time.

Day 1 : Monday Morning, High volume of traffic, vehicles piling up on the highway to pay toll. I had to wait for a good 30 minutes before i could get to the toll booth. The vehicles moved with snail pace. Seeing the traffic pile up in the rush hours, the vehicles were allowed to go without paying toll. Reached office almost an hour late.

While going back in the evening, same scenario as the morning, with one change. There were toll collectors in the middle of traffic collecting toll like balloon,flower and fruit sellers who come down knocking at the car windows. Innovative, yet time consuming. I reached home 30 mins later than the usual time.

Day 2 : We decided to avoid the toll plaza totally, so took a detour towards Kapashera, the old gurgaon-delhi highway. The roads are narrow, with too many cycles and pedestrians. But atleast our car kept moving. Plus, we paid no toll :D. Also, saved on burning a lot of fuel that otherwise would only make holes in the ozone and our pockets. Reached late by 10 mins, but thats okay. Took the same route in the evening, avoided the traffic at the toll.

Today, things were better, we took the expressway - people followed the correct lanes, handing out exact change, runners who collected toll if there was a traffic pile-up, we used the tag/smart card to cross the toll. Reached office on time.

I guess, after a few initial hiccups, a change in the operational strategy, commuters opting for smart cards/tags, and following correct lanes;the travel time would go down as expected bringing much needed relief to people.

P.S. If you're not on the driver's seat, traffic jams give one ample time to do small things like
Calling up a long-lost friend or making a to do list for the impending tasks or knitting something or even peeling off peas or playing cards or ogling around to locate a hot chick/due or playing 'Aryabhatta' in analysing the registeration numbers of cars or hold ur partners hand if she/he is sitting next to you and so much more .My imagination is running wild.... ;)

Happy Commuting!

Crossroads

Last few months, most of friends & aquaintances have had a change in their relationship status. People getting in and out of marriages has become so common. For every 2-3 marriages/engagements i hear of, i get to hear of a couple headed for splitsville. i wonder is it some underlying balance nature is trying to maintain.

Discussed it with M, his reaction 'Fat leti hai yeh sochke kabhi kabhi' was funny yet true! 'Yeh' referrred to the divorces happening around all of us. Another friend M commented, 'BC...saala samajh nahi aata, ho kya jata hai!!'

Seems all of us infected with the 'More-is-Less' virus, and relationships are dying as a result of the infection.None of us are content with what we have - jobs, salaries, clothes, cars. This discontentment is spilling onto the non-material belongings - our relationships with our partners. Rigidity with what we want, i feel, is the rampant cause for relationships being at crossroads. Compromises/sacrifice no longer exists in our dictionaries.

Sansui's tagline 'Better than the best' also seems to have come up from the fact, that nothing meets our level of expectation, and how we feel there is always something better to look out for. The bar of the expectation is rising only upwards, with little tolerance and leeway for the other.

Couples seem happy and seems they will always be together. Then, out of the blue, one of the pair plays the divorce card, leaving all those involved wondering what knocked them off the fence. I too, have been knocked off trying to figure out what fails in the relationship???