Waiting Games

Waiting can be a wonderful thing. Unexpectedly amazing things can happen in life which can throw you off balance and yet cushion you when you fall. The time you spend while waiting can be truly rewarding. In the end, the waiting time doesn't seem to matter but that the wait has been worthwhile. After a dozen wrong turns, horrible mistakes, bad choices, testing times, the time will come that will make you want to believe in only good things, happy endings, merry times.

At the end of a trying time, it won't matter anymore except that there is a someone around you to make your life a lot easier, to add to the bitter sweet taste of life. The promise of an extended hand to hold yours forever in a tight grip to never let go, the promise of a steady shoulder to lean on when you are weak. the promise of a reassuring faith when you doubt yourself, the promise of buying you a solitaire to don your finger. Too good to say NO, i guess!

Winking-ly yours
Faded Glory

Map of You

In the airplanes they say, put on your oxygen mask before you put one on someone else. Sounds selfish but its not. Though a safety instruction, it carries a much deeper meaning when applied to life. Keep yourself safe and happy. For only when you respect yourself, love yourself you can actually have positive and blessed relationship with others. Of all the relationships that you will have in your life, the one that is most satisfying and rewarding is the one you have with yourself. It defines you, feeds you, shapes you. The more I identify myself with my experiences in life - good or bad, it has made me who I am. And I am content with who I am. If we cannot sew our hole in  the soul then no one can do for us. 

When you learn to love yourself, you are not scared to be alone. Spend time with yourself, take a walk in the park, sit on a bench alone, go alone for shopping and that will be the best time you can spend. I am not alone, have my new found love, myself for company. Date after date, it's a great relationship.

Lovingly yours,

Faded Glory

Raise the Red Lantern

And so we sat, S, G and me on the rooftop bar, Lantern, at One Fullerton. The view is spectacular from way up there. Our poison for the evening - Red Lantern, a concoction of watermelon, cointreau and lime. And its is by far the best cocktail I have had. Sipping one drink after the other, getting philosophical about life - the Red Lantern had a soothing affect on all of us. As we got more and more dreamy, thoughts and words were flowing but literally and figuratively everything was red, the 'Red Lantern' drink, the yellowish red light. The mood was RED.

The fact is, as per the chinese the red lantern is symbolic of happiness, good luck and re-union. But each of us had our own interpretations tonight. G, 30, Male, divorced after having an arranged marriage made a statement, red, is nothing but a sign of danger. His association to red was fear. Marriage is dangerous he said, and I could understand. He was angry over having chosen the wrong person that led him to be at cross roads of life, dealing with a divorce. S, 29, Female, Married had a strikingly different meaning to Red. For her it was symbolic of the color of love, the heart that beats, the red roses and life was all hunky dory. Her association to red was happiness.

To me, Red is action, it is energy. It fuels you to become passionate. Passionate enough to hate, to kill, to love, to hope, to be violent. Single or Married or Complicated, irrespective, red is the color of the blood, red is inside of us, running through our veins energizing us to feel what we feel and act as we do. As long we have red, angry or hopeful, full of hatred or full of love, we are alive!!

Gimme Red,

Faded Glory

Singapore Skies

In Singapore, they say, dont look at the sky, it may burst out open anytime and leave you drenched. And then the skies clear out and the sun shines bright. I love Singapore for the very reason. This place is so me. Rainy, weepy, sad one minute and changing to happy, shiny bright the next minute. All in day. For nothing in life is a constant, except you and only you. Im loving it and living it up! 

Singapura, you rock!

Faded Glory

All over again

It’s like going into a dream and living it all over again. A cloudy memory come true. It’s feeling and touching the nostalgia that until that moment lay buried deep within. It’s permitting my heart to feel again. A deep look. A tired sigh. A secret spoken out loud. It’s touching a memory from long ago and watching it come alive. It’s smelling the food in the kitchen and finding my way through the lost alleys of my childhood. The familiar smell of home. It’s closing the door to the distance between us. The past merging into the present. My two worlds collide. It’s knowing I’ll be home soon. The long journey home.

An Excerpt

Falling is love is easy. Staying in love is harder. Finding someone who will love you back is hardest. And believe me …nobody gets it right the first time.  Our society places far too much importance on the concept of happily ever after and the institution of marriage.  It is better to be happy alone than feel like a complete wreck with someone. Chances are that you will end up being the last of your many friends to find someone. Chances are that they will counsel you on how you should find someone to marry.  Chances are that you will cause your family and parents much grief by being a 30 year old single woman.  Chances are that you will spend many evenings with nothing to do because all your friends are busy with their own lives. Take your chances.  You will know when you are ready. And remember that just because you are ready to settle down – does not mean that you are ready to settle…Do it your way!

Nani teri morni ko mor le gaye

Someone famous once said that the life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living. So very true. It has been a month since my nani passed away. Life doesnt feel the same, not that I lived with her or spoke to her everyday. But still it feels like a big part of you gone. Thats the closest one could ever be to a grandparent. I fail to imagine how lost I would feel going to "Nani ke ghar". "Nani ka ghar" will still be hers, despite the ironical fact she isnt there anymore. As sudden as her demise,the realization comes and goes all of a sudden that she is no more. Gone are the smiles, the affectionate kisses, the reassuring looks, the caring touch, the welcoming arms, the hands that used to stroke my hair, the lap I  rested my head on so many times when I wanted the escape from things in life. She was always there, just the same, unconditionally showering her love.

I miss you nani. A lot.

Nostalgically yours
Faded Glory

Lemons

Wonder when will adults start behaving the way adults should and do away with immature idiosyncrasies. With their pea sized brains and the defunct logic that  they use to try to justify a situation is so hopeless that it makes me shudder in disbelief, that is this really happening and possible. Fails me. Totally.

Hope some point in time, people will grow up and give themselves a chance than resigning to a situation where they only blame others and point fingers. Real education is missing. But if that wasnt the case, the world will not be like the one it is today and the people will not be the way they are.

I have always believed life is teacher. It will someday definitely teach you the lessons the hard way and maybe then it will all make sense, when the whole life will flash in front of your eyes. Each person or thing you had roughed up once, is going to take a place in that flash. Thats when the story will unfold. Wait and Watch.

Patiently yours
Faded Glory

Johnny Johnny Yes Papa

Indian men are not typecast without rhyme or reason abroad. They definitely earn their reputation and live upto it in every sense. Why am I ranting about it. Here's why. As I stood in a queue at the airport, next to me stood a not so stylish gentleman. His baggage was excess by some kgs, and on the other side of the counter was north eastern guy. This gentle was trying his best to have small talk and somehow reduce his chargeable extra baggage. He mentioned to the airline staff, "I have a naga girlfriend". In the next two minutes a toddler came running towards him and said to him "Papa, Papa, mein ispe khada ho jaun, mera weight bhi aayega?"

The airline staff and I had eye contact and chuckled. Moment of truth. The gentleman quietly paid a thousand dollars and left the counter.

Amusing-ly yours
Faded Glory

The Dark Knight Rises

Disclaimer: This is not a movie review.

Dont remember when was the last time I watched a movie on the pretext of shopping or simply hanging out with friends. Some people just bring out the naughty kid in you who wants to have the thrill of going for a movie secretly coz parents wont allow as delhi is unsafe and the movie is late. I still have it in me :P Making plans, having alibis and working out  the details what to say to who. Ha Ha! Feel like a teenager or a new college going kid. Am i really thirty? ;)

The Dark Knight Rises + Bittoo Tikki Chaat + Chowranghee lane egg roll + Kulfi + Super Company. My second last day before I go back. Lived it up in style.

Naughty-ly yours
Faded Glory

The Winner

When day breaks
she awakes
thoughts linger on
of present, future
and time by gone

Life can show you
how to pass through
the evil and worst
come out head first

Happy to leave behind
a deal unsigned
for there is more to come
stronger ive become

Peace sets in
far and deep within
sweet times or bitter
Im not a quitter

Country Roads...

...take me home.  I have never felt like this in thirty years. Never had the chance, nerver was in a situation like this before. The excitement, happiness and eagerness is just overwhelming. The feeling of seeing family after a long time makes me a little weak. They give me strength, they make me weak. Yay! I am going home.

All these years until now, 'Going Home' meant going home after a movie, work at office, shopping, visiting relatives or travelling. Having lived in a different city, country, going home is a feeling undefined. I can now understand how so many colleagues, friends felt when they were going home coz they were either working or studying alone far away from home. Im telling everyone around me, Im going home, Im going to Delhi. Never took so much pride in saying that.

Ten more hours and Il be home. Cant wait. Here I come!

D D D D D D Dilli Dilli Dilll

Dil-logically yours
Faded Glory

Roger That

7th wimbledon for Roger Federor on the 7th of the 7th month. I guess 777 was lucky for him. He rounded up the interview saying, "Feels good to have this trophy in my hands after three years, it feels like it never left my hands."

Days, Weeks, Months and Years pass by but some places and things just make you feel like its home. A place or a thing that makes you feel like you never left home! A torn tattered towel, A faded tee shirt cover, A frayed cushion cover, A steel tumbler.

The feeling of things being instantly comfortable and familiar. Four more days and Il be home! Its like coming home to the place you never left.

Time Travel

The funny thing about life is that you never really know when you are making a memory. You dont know what will stick in your head and what will be a fading spot. The days and dates become insignificant and what remains is the moments and memories. They make wonderful company when alone.

Someone famous once said - No canvas absorbs color like memory. And so true - a smell, a color, a movie, a name, a color, a voice, an object, a number, a song, a place - something as small and trivial can be so powerful to transport to another time and place as if you are re-living the whole thing again. And so I collect, little things to serve as momentos to look back on life.

On my mind right now: Fatafat and Hully Gully and the last desk of 12-B in the new wing in school.

Nostalgically yours
Faded Glory

Thirty

It’s a plea
Set me free
Of the chains
Binding like reigns

It’s a plea
Set me free
Of guilts I carry
Eroding like a quarry

It’s a plea
Set me free
Of the doubt
Growing like a sprout

It’s a plea
Set me free
Of the blame I took
Hanging like a hook

It’s a plea
Set me free
Of the shadow
Disturbing like a crow

It’s a plea
Set me free
Of the pain
Flowing like champagne

It’s a plea
Set me free
Of the fear
Pulling back like reverse gear

It’s a plea
Set me free
Of the trouble
Bursting like a bubble

It’s a plea
Set me free
Let me loose
From every noose
It’s a plea
Let me be me

When is it going to rain

Scorching sun outside
When will the heatwave subside

I look at the sky
Grey Clouds pass by
Waiting in vain
Hoping for some rain

To charge up the earth
A idea to take birth
Drops of rain, a drizzle
A reason to nuzzle

To clean up the air
A Coffee, A love affair
Drops of rain, a downpour
A reason to step outdoor

To simmer down the heat
A song, A heartbeat
Drops of rain,a storm
A reason to transform

To douse the fire
A Kiss, A desire
Drops of rain, A cloudburst
A reason to get immersed

A Question,
Simple and plain
When is it going to rain?

Human DNA

We,homosapiens are a pitiful lot
mature, by a long shot
science says our brains are huge
matter less, lost in deluge

Fighting, being distraught
Prejudiced, our minds fraught
Egotists, a pride thats swollen
Arrogance galore, humility stolen

Debauched, morally weak
Cruelty, a murderous streak
Dishonesty, misplaced trust
Souls decaying with rust

Deeply Consumed in deceit
Halloween, trick or treat
Incest, Insatiable greed
Dont we have enough for our need

One life, your own not lease
Have we forgotten to be at peace?
One earth, one sky, one sun
Have we forgotten to be the evolved one?

Before Sunrise & Before Sunset

Watched both the movies for the nth time. Just as the sunrise and sunset dawnson you, at the end of the night or the day, the movie ends with an amalgamationof feelings that dawns on you slowly, leaving you still and hanging in vaccum.Profound Impact. Everytime.

The chemistry,the conversations and characters leave you enchanted. You suddenly feel aliveand breathing more consciously. 

It flows simply, beautifully, naturally and effortlessly with no frills. Thelistening box scene, the phone conversation, conversation in the car, the sceneon the bench. Each expression, verbal and non-verbal is so very detailed.Poignant. Latent deep and large feelings. Jesse and Celine, They share, wish,yearn, desire, burn and hope.

The indirectness that is there is mature and beautiful. There is no story yetthere is something weaving in the background without it being pushed to you.There is no story in the sequel as well. All that there is for the story is the10 years between the movies and the exact time frame when Jesse and Celine meetagain in Paris, having met in Vienna earlier.

Mesmerising'ly yours
Faded Glory

Music & Lyrics

I guess everyone needs a little vent from their daily lives and struggles and for me mine is two-fold music and writing. And both these things have one essential common denominator – words. Words are a potent weapon; can protect or demolish; can crush or give hope, can leave you cold or give warmth, can make you feel belonged or can alienate. For me when I write it is like everything inside of me is falling out for the world to see. I can shed my mask and let people see me. However, other than a few people who know me, I remain anonymous for most, hoping my writings leave a alone person some company, through my thoughts even if its for a few minutes. I write for reflection and to share experiences, mine, and of people around me.

My other healing mantra is music. I have loved music since childhod, it is like all the things I cannot speak out loud or string into words is told through that song. It feels like that song was written with me in mind to express when my words fail. When I listen to a song, I pay attention to the lyrics. Sometimes I wish I was a musician so I could write songs to give people strength, peace, calmness to give them someone to be their voice.

Word-ingly Yours
Faded Glory

Radio Ga Ga

Feeling down and out on a weekday, yet another rough day at work. As my fickle mind wandered here and there. A little walk and talk with a friend can be your lifeline to get back on track.

Here's what my friend had to say: Be like the radio. Tune it to have the fine music playing. Switch the mode of situation as you would on the radio, I mean the AM and FM mode, do that for yourself. From Against Me (AM) tune it to For Me (FM) mode.

Me(with a sad face): But where's the button?
And we burst into laughter. Thank life for small mercies.

Thankfully yours
Faded Glory

Looking at the calendar

Its been quite a year. The one between my last birthday and this fast approaching one. This year I am nothing but grateful for the journey that has brought me from where I was one year ago to now and here.

I am reflective and blessed for the new learnings and growing up, experiences and new opportunities. I have changed cities, found new homes, made new friends, grown new roots and found release from the same belongings that chained me familiarly.

Hooked & Booked

So Mr M, my closest guy friend of 8yrs is officially getting hitched. Hooked and booked for life.Overwhelmed, Happy, Apprehensive, Sad, Excited all at the same time. There have been so many ups and downs through which he has been around, though the advice was never paid heed to. Without any second thoughts, Id call up to share the happiest news, the saddest incident, the silliest gossip anytime like a 24 hour helpline. Now all that impulsiveness ought to stop.

Befriending someone has never been so difficult so far. So, Mrs M, S would soon be my friend too (atleast hoping). Cant wait to team up with her to share the nasty little secrets about M that would do the tricks.

But he is getting married and things will never be the same for us and I have tuned into the music already. The fear is about feeling less important or out of place when I meet him next. The fear is whether she would accept us the way we are. Now, its the time to step back and accept the big change in all of our lives.

Top it all: His wedding date is my birth date. Could it have been any better :)

And to you M: Is baar ka gift maaf kia considering ab tumhare kharche badhne waale hain :P MBBS ki degree milne wali hai :P

500 Miles

Im lost and Im scared
Homesickness, today its flared
Coming back to an empty home
Seems like a ruin in rome

Not a soul to embrace
I stare at the open space
No smiles or joy,a cold shiver
Seems like a cut by sliver

Missing a tender touch, a warm smile
Home number on my speed dial
I dont feel alright
Seems like a long night

Separated in milky way
Today Im far away
Tomorrow will be another day
With a bright sun ray

Neither Slacking nor lacking

If you've noticed the blog posts frequency going down, do not worry. I am up and running. I am brimming with ideas, unfinished posts. Some thoughts lost and long gone, due to my inability to write as fast as I can think :)

Waiting

As I wait for one of the biggest changes in my life ever, I realise we all are waiting. Waiting for exams to get over, Waiting to get into college, waiting for salary, waiting to fall in love, waiting for the next train or the bus, waiting for a job offer, waiting for a phone call, waiting to be hugged, waiting to be appreciated, waiting for the rain, waiting for the traffic light to turn green and so much more waiting.

Life is happening to us in the ordinary waiting for the extraordinary event to happen! Such is life!

Waiting-ly yours
Faded Glory

Love Actually

You must fall in love many times. Once, you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and how confusing friendships can be and love even more complicated. Once you must fall in love with someone you believe is perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never accept anything less than you deserve. And once, you must fall in love with someone who is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.
And when you’re through with all of that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that needed you the most.

Lovingly yours
Faded Glory

Little drops of Joy

Sometimes we are so immersed in the big things and big events that the little ones get forgotten...This week I had a gentle reminder to slow down. A reminder that came in the form I least expected. But in hearing something terrible happen to someone else. A single split second changes the course of life and life doesn’t always provide an airbag to cushion you when you hit head on. A single moment helps us realize how frivolous and superficial most aspects of our lives are and to focus on what really matters.
The little moments in life bring you the happiness, Not the big expensive watches, not the glittering diamonds...the little moments stay with you forever. The one moment of happiness is that anchor to providing the strength to withstand everything life has to offer. May we learn to appreciate those moments and cherish them. May we learn to value people around us.

Joyously yours
Faded Glory