Good Bye 2011

Human beings are innanely funny creatures. And we measure things stupidly. Time is boundary-less, limitless and forever. It doesnt blow trumpets and whistles to mark beginnings and endings. There are no bells that toll to signify a great event. Yet we are obsessed.

Obsessed with marking everything as a beginning or an ending. We came up with the idea of calenders. Celebrate the end of weeks, seasons and years. Time's too busy ticking to even wait for a split second and take notice. It's too busy influencing our lives while we choose to take time out and label his passing.

So this year end - I choose to just be. Just be in the stillness and calmness of being.

From my heart to yours - wherever you are reading this - content, cozy, tired, happy, excited, lonely, charged-up, delighted - See you in 2012.


Happily yours
Faded Glory

What I've learnt this year..

Friendship needs a lot of hard work. Some friends are better to lose, some need to be cherished and some people are effortlessly friends. And yet just when you are disappointed, there are other relationships that will surprise you that is if you allow yourself to be surprised.

Sometimes the only way out of a situation is through it. Chocolate and Ice Cream help tremendously whenever you feel you've been reduced to rubble. I have a choice and a responsibility. The power is with me, and when you turn the switch towards forgiveness to those who hurt you, power is restored back to you.

2011, You rocked my world. But since all things must come to an end. I am ready for the world to change again. In 365 ways. A day at a time. Life will go on :)

Wisely yours
Faded Glory

Beech ka Bicchu

Some childhood games are strikingly relevant even when you grow up. Seem to be caught in a time warp. People who are even five years elder or younger, it seems like a generation gap.

People like me that are part of Gen X are sandwiched between the Gen Y and the Gen Z. Not too individualistic and wild like the younger ones and not submissive and not conforming enough like the older folks.

Confusion, chaos and calamity galore. The middle path aint easy!

Reflecting'ly yours
Faded Glory

Weapons of Self-Destruction

Looking back at 29 years of my life, I realized today, I have mastered the art of self-destruction! I dont need tools, ammunition or any instruments. I alone suffice and break myself and then break everything around me to self preserve only to realize later it has caused me irreversible damage. I seem to be stepping on my own invisible tail and then cringe in pain. Self-defeating the purpose. And that is becoming a pattern I want to break free from.

I hope Im able to rise like the phoenix from the ashes.

Mind Machine

Never understood my mind. It been one hellova thought processor - mixing up feelings, juicing up what I wish for and grinding my hopes.

I hope with all that mixing, juicing and grinding - It dishes out something worthwhile and positive that gives me direction, faith and peace.

How do you feel tonight?

A post from a friends Facebook page:
The UN says the world's populations hits 7 billion today. It's amazing how it's still so hard to meet anyone worth dating.

Wondering why its so hard, when there are billions of people who are the kinds that would pass on your checklist. Yes, there are many who seemingly would fit your bill. We want them to be a certain way and they are. They are well educated, earn well, look good. Externally everything matches. BUT!

I guess the most important thing missing is how we feel, well atleast for me. You dont need him/her 'to be' anything. Internally, one needs to feel a certain way with a person. That feeling is enough and will be enough for me to be happy. Everything else gets masked.

Happily yours
Faded Glory

To think or not

Looking back at life, Ive learnt that we land up in a problem only when either

We act without thinking..
OR
We keep thinking without acting..

Accept Except

I have always been a people person, open and easy to get along with. A friendly 'Hi' and some small talk and some coversations later - the person for me is no longer a stranger or an aquaintance. And that has always come naturally to me. In the process have come to know many people and a lot of them more closely. Each got connected in a different way. I believed in accepting people for what they are. I believed they are what they are by chance and not choice.

My belief system is shaky right now. These days people repel me.People are making me sick. People who wont lend a helping hand. People who are self centred. People who are uncurteous. People who have misplaced heads. People with ego. People with unnecessary airs. People who dont value relationships. People who dont respect. People who cant appreciate. People who only criticise. People who are judgemental. People who are crude and rude. People who are insensitive. People who dont pay heed to your words. People who are superficial. People who dont value people. These are choices people make conciously or subconciously.

I guess about time I make my choice - What to accept and What to not!

Accepting'ly yours
Faded Glory

Tum Ho

What a killer song from Rockstar.

Tum Ho..Tum Ho Paas Mere..Saath Mere
Tum yoon
Jitna Mehsoos Karoon tumko
Utna Hi Paa Bhi Loon

Twitching pain. Painful Longing. Lacerating torment.

How many times..

...is it possible for the heart to be broken by the same person. So much so, that you think there is nothing left to break and thats its at rock bottom, but you'l be surprised - the heart breaks again and there is further more bottom to the rockbottom.

They said - it gets easier with time. They said - it gets better with time. I hope they are right. Will bide my time till then.

Hopefully your's
Faded Glory

Nothing else matters

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart

Its your birthday. My heart and head are at its nostalgic best. Its the strength of the feelings that I am succumbing to. All I can think of is you. I am lost in the maze of - should have, could have, would have, couldnt have, shouldnt have, wouldnt have - and that is occupying all the space in my head.

But nothing else matters! You, Have a happy birthday!

Hide & Seek

You may run very far to the end of the world, you may hide in the darkest corner, you may change contact numbers, emails, cities, countries still thoughts can penetrate even where the light cant. That I know.

Bad days end, bad times end but what remains till eternity are the looks that assured you, touch that invigorates you, smiles that brighten the heart. These you cannot wipe out from the slate of your mind - no matter hard you try.

Then why do you fight it? Why cant you accept it? Why cant you let it be?

Questioning'ly yours
Faded Glory

Aaina..

..mujhse meri pahli si soorat maange...waqt likhta raha chehre pe har pal ka hisaab..

Dark circles under the eyes, the once perfectly fitted denims hanging loose. Being a telling tale aint good. What a terrible year it has been so far, right from start to midyear, wont settle for a bad ending at all. Enough of bad for 2011. I'm going to turn the tables around!

This last leg of the year, I am going to fight back and bounce back. Cant let anything get the better of my health anymore. Need to start taking care of myself, need to start eating well and sleeping well.

And that I will do!

Positive'ly yours
Faded Glory

Dil-logical

"Have the courage to follow ur heart..It already knows what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Listened to Steve Job's Stanford speech for the nth time and everytime I hear it - it moves me even more. It gives me goosebumps, a chill runs down my spine. I guess he died a happy man - having followed his heart all his life.

Following your heart isnt as easy as it sounds. It often leads to you being alone or mocked at. The mind simply plays games and confuses the heart. Feelings come from the heart, and feeling and being happy has nothing to do with a rational and logical mind. The mind knows little of it. Its evil, it plots, plans and is devilish.

If you hear the voice of the heart nudging you to do something that might not necessarily be within your comfort zone, go for it anyway. You never know if you will succeed at something unless you just take the plunge and try it anyway.

I hope I find the the power within myself to accomplish whatever my heart desires. Till then - its free flowing and following the heart, sooner or later Il get there.

Dil-logically yours
Faded Glory

Back from Outer Space

Seasons have changed
Months gone by
Life's re-arranged
With challenges to defy

Building life back
Brick by brick
Getting on track
Hasnt been quick

Stronger than before
Leaving things behind
Swimming for the shore
Have my peace of mind

Climbing up the rope
I do see the top
Raising up hope
Life isnt a fullstop

Upright on my feet
And a long road ahead
The journey is incomplete
But I am clear in my head

TsunaMe

Tsunami is what had struck me or more aptly it was a Tsuna-Me. Like all natural calamities - this one also came unannounced without notice.

Sometimes in life, We are right in the path of a tsunami waiting for us to be lashed away with the force and are left stranded in a no-mans land, you begin to wonder where the hell did that wave come from. But then thats life - it will bite you where it hurts most and when you least expect it.

It will leave you soaked to the skin, making you dissolve and melt in it like a salt pellet that it seems you would cease to exist. It leaves you with no choice to run away or hide under or take shelter or cling to. You just stand in sheer despair and shock. But who said, life is fair.

After the fit of fury, With the remains of what is left behind when the wave recedes back to the once calm ocean, all there is left is hope. A hope for calmness, for things to be alright, for you to be fine. And sometimes hope is all you have.

The tenacious crab that I am - I am holding onto that hope and not letting go.

Hopefully yours
Faded Glory

Hello Dolly

Some had the pampering of their grandmothers, some had the laps of their mom's, some sucked quietly onto their thumbs, For my sense of security as a child, I had a Barbie. And I still have the doll. She ate with me, slept with me, played with me and I dragged her everywhere by her hair. I felt safe by taking her along.

It's not incredible - people attach meaning to inanimate objects - dolls, watches, mufflers, a dried flower - though just another thing to most - it can be the blanket of security that gives a sense of belonging to a few - including me.

Then I grew up and clinged to people and things closest to my heart. When people my age were moving on, leaving their homes, cities even countries to study or to work – I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think to move. I still cant. And that need for security has forever been burning in me, in its powerful and protective yet different forms. We downplay our deepest need to be valued and cherished that makes us vulnerable yet so strong.

Home-ly yours
Faded Glory

Ekla Chalo Re

Thats all one can do at times.

With my dearest friends now settled and busy in their lives - professionally with good jobs and personally with spouses and children; in different parts of the world you can hardly complain when you hardly have time to talk even otherwise.

When times and people move with time and you refuse to move along, you are left behind. You look at the back, there's no one. You look to the left and right - still no one. Its Ekla Chalo Re time. And I will have to walk alone.

Lots of catching up to do. Literally and Figuratively.

Reflecting-ly yours
Faded Glory

41Y 41D

I always believed I have a lot of patience. But I was wrong. It was dad's superannuation today and he retired from the same office after 41 years and 41 days!! Phew!!

Wonder how many bad bosses, office politics, bad appraisals, failures and stressful times he endured and yet kept going! Its easy to quit and difficult to brave it all.

Lots to learn for the eternally dissatisfied job hopping generation of ours!

Respectfully yours
Faded Glory

Inky Pinky Ponki

Its not just a counting out game children play. It indeed is an important way to figure out who you want to have as the last man standing. For some you will always be the choice and for some you will always be just an option.

The hard fact remains - Never make someone a priority if you are just an option for them. Just take a good look at your friends, family, co workers and significant others. There is no excuse for poor behaviour of people; just dont accept anything less than you deserve and weed out the rest!

Do things for people who in turn will do things for you! Give up things for people who will in turn give up things for you! Have people around you who in turn want to have you around!

Dont worry about the rest as they will have another option nearby.

Pondering-ly Yours
Faded Glory

Untitled

Thoughts that are frightening
Strike like lightening
That I am stuck
And out of luck

For what its worth
Life, Death and Birth
Act, Think, Live Now
yet life fails, and How

Someday Il learn
To play a good turn
Till then I wont quit
Reaching there bit by bit

The X Factor

The simplest reaons why the 'EX' is called an 'EX' is coz its an 'EX'ample of who you should not be with in any way and 'EX' as in she/he having an 'EX'it from your life. If its a thing of the past - past is where it should stay!

But then as life shall have it - its never as simple! All people are left with as a result of mixing up the past with the present is complications to deal with.

Food for thought

I want to.
I should.
I have to.
I ought to.
I could.
And yet, I cant....give up eating junk!

A walk to remember

Its just not a bloody movie! Its a movie that made me cry! Had my own little 'A Walk to Remember. 3 hours. On Foot. From Dhaula Kuan to Home.

With tired feet, a dead brain, cold hands, heavy shoulders and a small little heart that has little hope for myself, I said to myself a million times over - I will never be understood and accepted.

Wait Watching

We play a endless waiting game – life and me. Life waits for me to turn into the person it wills for me to be. I wait for it to turn into what I expect out of it. Some days life wins. Some days I win.

And in all the days that lie in between, there’s just the endless waiting.

Sigh-ingly yours
Faded Glory